A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm 26, and live at home with my parents; moved back in after my 2-year relationship failed to work out and I moved in with mum and dad in March 2021 (I'd moved out aged 20). I've lived away from home since 20, then aged 24, moved in with my boyfriend in Paris after dating for a few months; it was as much for financial convenience as I loved him, it was passionate.We're Dutch expats in France, bilingual in Dutch and English, but English is my first language (Mum wanted us to speak English first).I had to self-isolate with family as a precaution for 14 days three weeks ago ago after Dad told us he had coronavirus. Mum let our family in Amsterdam and North Holland know via WhatsApp that Dad had coronavirus and a few good friends of the family know.The response was quite upset and concerning.I later found out it was a lie after Dad told me on Monday that it was a joke.I had to stop working from home and Mum had to do the same.Mum is now so angry with Dad and does not want to speak to hear much, she's that angry she told the rest of the family.If it's a joke, it's not a particularly funny one; I've later found out that Dad's had a history of this sort of thing after learning he got free donuts from a shop in America, claiming that he got stomach-ache and was badly ill (I was 13 at the time); I knew nothing of it, all I was aware of was the free donuts.I've also learnt off a family friend that Dad had lied about being a sexual abuse victim simply to get on TV; he'd never even met the individual who was accused of doing so (the man was dead at the time anyway in 2015).Mum is considering divorcing Dad, she can't trust him and she feels embarrassed about telling everyone he had coronavirus and we had to self-isolate, she had no reason NOT to believe him.I later found out he'd faked the diagnosis with a friend who's a nurse.I want to move back to the Netherlands soon, around Amsterdam, when it's safe to do so; money isn't the issue here, also, it's a new-ish thing for me, since I've never lived there, and my job wouldn't be touristy anyway (importing old classic American cars).My work contract has expired and I want to get the new job mentioned above; on the other hand, Mum and Dad are in their second home here and Mum's employer had her working here from January 2019, but due to coronavirus she and Dad couldn't move back.They own a second home here (it's about 30 miles from Paris).She's working from home, as is Dad, but it's not that efficient as their jobs mean it's impossible.I'm effectively unable to do so for now because my contract has expired and I've already got the new job lined up for when things get back to normal.I'm unsure of whether to cut ties with Dad or not due to this coronavirus "joke" and Mum is certainly considering divorcing him, perhaps because she's worried about more unsettling info, if there is any.Am I wrong to think my Dad isn't the person I can trust any more, and if I get married, Mum walking me down the aisle, not him, whether it be to a man or woman (yes, I'm bisexual, but not open about it because my sexuality isn't a major part of who I am).I really need some advice; due to the way things are, this is concerning me.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (9 April 2021):
 I think your das have some serious issues to be really frank.
I can see people faking Corona (I have actually seen it - because it meant the person would get 2 weeks off while getting fully paid - and he did. He never showed proof of the results. That was on the employer though.) BUT just one example that I know of.
My family got the "Rona" my husband has been sick for 3 weeks, myself 2, and the kids got over it in about 3 days. Hubby tested negative. My middle daughter is positive, she is pissed as she can't go to work and she loves her job. She will have to redo the test next week and so will my youngest because she got her school and SATs coming up. (Spring break right now).
It has NOT been a fun thing to get. Worse than flu. I still can't taste or smell anything - which makes cooking... fun for everyone else lol. But we have been lucky that the version we got was fairly mild. That anyone wants to fake having it... is beyond me.
Would I cut ties with my dad if he pulled such a thing? I don't think so. I would, however, stop relying on him 100%. He would be my mom's husband. Bit the person I would go to for anything nor would I trust him.
THIS is who he is. OP. It's who he has apparently always been. You and your mom know if previous examples of him doing shady things for clout or money. So this Corona joke is NOT really all that surprising, IMHO. That doesn't mean you have to just accept it, I think if you want there to be consequences for him, go for it. Same for your mom.
If you want to move back to The Netherlands then DO so. You say money isn't an issue. So look into where you can get a job and a place to live. You might have to wait a little while until the restrictions are lifted.
Make your plans. Look at your options.
I would tell your dad that you are mad, disappointed, and embarrassed at his "joke". I think he needs to know.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2021): Your dad is a prankster and a rascal. He thinks it's funny; but using grave events or faking illness for kicks might be an indication of mental-illness. I truly doubt he meant it as a joke! I suspect he has a motive behind it. People always call bad-behavior a "joke;" when they want to avoid the consequences for their actions.
I would presume your mother has more than just this corona-virus incident as the primary cause to seek a divorce. It's safer to believe it's a culmination of several things; otherwise, marriage-counseling and a mental-health evaluation for your father might be advisable. That is, if they feel they can work things out together to salvage their marriage. It has be a mutual-agreement. Even if your mother is dead-set on the divorce; your father may still need a psychological assessment.
I think there's a few other private details she hasn't shared with you; which really wouldn't be any of your business. Pranks alone don't seem reasonable for something as drastic as divorce. Your parents marital-problems are theirs to deal with; and the intimate details of which they don't have to share with their children.
I think he may have used the wrong word for his so-called "joke." It may fall more in the realm of a "scheme," or "fraud;" if he reaped any sort of profit or benefit, it set-off a series of events to cause harm, loss, or inconvenience. It seems he knows just how far to go without crossing legal-lines; but he reeked havoc and concern that must have sent shockwaves through the family. Corona virus IS NO JOKE!!! I can't believe a nurse would compromise her credentials and ethics to corroborate what amounts to a fraudulent-claim! How could she, of all people, find it funny???
In spite of his juvenile antics and dreadful pranks; remember that he is still your father. You should remain level-headed, regardless. Their marital-problems are theirs to resolve; and in that area, you should remain neutral. As for not trusting him? Try to avoid any melodramatics or exaggeration. There should be some relief it wasn't real. One of my older-brothers is over 60, and diabetic. Just before Christmas, he tested positive for covid! By the grace of God, he never showed any symptoms of the disease! He's fine!
It might be recommended that your dad see a therapist to figure-out why he chooses faking life-threatening diseases as a joke? He faked childhood sexual-molestation to get on TV?!! The donut-scheme is petty, that's no big deal! As long as you're living under his roof rent-free (or paying rent); remain respectful, grateful, and maintain calm.
Surely, you're surprised and disgusted; but you're also a house-guest of both your parents. You're depending on the kindness and generosity of both your mother AND your father! Hence, keep things in reasonable perspective!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2021): Your dad is a pertual liar. Yes I agree it is very difficult to live with such a person and I think he will not contest the divorce either as it seems he doesn't love your mother otherwise he will respect her and not lie to him.
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