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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My husband has had for a while now bouts of anxiety and depression. he was diagnosed with ADHD. I know that he tries, but his problems always come first and he finds it hard to deal with life in general. Everything is too much of a burden for him. But he really tries. He takes on the tasks that do not stress him. Sometimes they can even be important. Sometimes, they are not a priority but he does them anyway to feel good about contributing.Anyway, I'm dealing with what seems to be a serious health crisis (abdominal distention, rectal bleeding, and I can feel a mass there yeah, I know...). I don't feel I can keep him in the loop, because it can be too much for him. Not only does he feel overwhelmed, he sometimes tries to rush things so that he can stop thinking about them.When my scanner came back clear, a part from the colon. He freaked out and kept asking me what it mean, what I would do... I AM NOT a doctor. It saddens me to say that, but instead of support I might get additional load to carry - making him feel better about this whole situation.I'm doing everything I can. If it weren't for my perseverance, i wouldn't get anywhere, since the doctors have been brushing me off for the past couple of months (they are overrun by covid).The short description I gave you of my "lower parts" is something I've just discovered and I don't feel I can share this with him. If I were in his shoes, I'd like to know and help out. But he seems as if everything is too much...Am I wrong in deciding not to tell him? Because once I do, and he freaks out, I cannot take it back. I've been ill before and he didn't deal with it the way I would. He would either ignore it (if it's nothing serious) or freak out (I already have 2 autoimmune disorders). I love him and I know that he's a good person, but this thing he has can be debilitating. You can't ask someone with a leg missing to run and then be sad when he cant?Thank you! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2021): HiTricky one, only you know the complete story, Reading between the lines, but I must say I can tell you from the other perspective. I have been on the other side when my partner had serious bowel problems. I was scared and concerned for him, and he did not take his symptoms seriously after been diagnosed with piles and accepted that diagnosis. I pestered and pestered him and nagged him and burdened him with my anxiety to see a different doctor and 5 x different doctors later he got the diagnosis. You say you are been pro active!!! I do hope you are pushing and pushing for quick diagnosis and treatment (if needed) DO NOT BE FOBBED OFF, my partner was constantly fobbed off and left waiting ridiculous amounts of time. Sometimes you need to have somebody to help you fight, he may surprise you, his anxiety could push you further than you would push yourself. I believe it is ultimately your choice who you tell but I firmly believe that a spouse/partner has a right to know, because they love you and want to help, albeit, the support may come in different way's than expected. It could be as simple as picking the phone up everyday to make sure you are not brushed aside and put to the bottom pile (this does happen). I phoned every day and made them tire of me. We had such a battle, even his sisters had to help him get treated. He would never have done it ALONE, it took family support. He might be able to support you by cooking healthy nutritional foods ( diet is extremely important with serious bowel issues, and can prevent blockages and distention etc). 10 years later my partner is alive and kicking, WE all won all his bowel cancer battles, waiting games, refusals of operating because of alcoholism, colostomy, reversals, perforation, distention, 2 years of constant diarrhoea and misdiagnosis and discrimination.Your partner is left open to his imagination and wild anxieties which is not good, when you say ''you do not know! you are not a doctor,'' this is not fair. Let him have his concerns and give him positive things that he can do to support you. Don't let covid stop diagnostic tests and please don't ignore it, hopefully it is something very simple. Correct Nutrition is pro active while you wait, let him research and cook.Good luck.
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