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female
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anonymous
writes: ok this is long, i apologize: i found out my dad cheated on my stepmom, and not only lied to her but to me and my siblings a lot as well. he cheated with a girl (who used to be my friend) who is a month younger. i found out and confronted them both, there was a big blowout (this was almost a year ago) and he swore it was over etc, but she still works at the store he owns so i dont know whether to believe it. well anyway i ended up telling my stepsister the other day because i couldnt take keeping that in anymore, not only because i hated knowing and felt my stepmom (despite our differences) doesnt deserve that, but because after not seeing my stepfamily over this past year, there have been talks of us all getting together "as a family" again. i knew i couldnt do that and know what i know and pretend to be norma. so basically i've wanted to tell but it was a matter of how and when, and its been eating at me for awhile. after talking to my stepsister about things, i finally told her. she was shocked obviously and we're both now in a state where we dont know what to do. she wants to tell her mom but its a bad time (because shes alone in the house, as my step-sis's are both away at college) and has no one really. im scared because as much as i know she deserved to know and am 100% on her side, i know my dad may never speak to me again and im also fearing this will ruin things forever and it'll all be my fault. by the way, my stepmom and sisters have been suspicious about him for awhile, only with a different woman. theres no proof but its probably true. what do we do? how do we tell my stepmom? and will she hate me for being the one to tell? thank you if you even read this all, theres more details but this is the basic jist. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Sexybum  +, writes (28 March 2006):
 Hello there, this a long answer but here goes.....
It will be unpleasent there's no doubt about that. I think that you guys should tell her. Its going to be found out anyway, these things always come out in the open sooner or later. If the girl is still working at his shop then it is likely that they are still cheating. I think your step mum deserves to know, would you want to know if you were in her situation? Now that your step sister knows I don't think it will be long until the truth comes out.
Its unfair that you have had this burden to carry for so long. I am angry at your father for allowing this upon you. He will speak to you again. He might sulk for a little while but that is what people do when they get caught out. He is very much in the wrong, first of for cheating and second of all to do with one of your mates and third for expecting you to keep his secret. When you found out he should've released you of the burden and set an example by owning up to his cheating. Instead he's put so much pressure on you to keep this secret and it is not fair. If he stops talking to you let him be, he will come round once he's realised that he should've taken responsibilty for his actions.
Parents can often under estimate their little children and pherhaps he has made the mistake of thinking that you have brushed it off and simply moved on. Maybe he doesn't know how you've been feeling. First of all I think you should talk to him, tell him that your step sister knows and give him an ultimatum. He either confesses himself one to one, or you will admit the truth to your step mum. I don't think you can carry on holding this burden, If you do you may end up despising your father for it, and that's not good.
It woud be better if he confessed to her himself because that would save her a bit of humililation rather than being told by everyone else, which will make her feel awful, she would probably prefer to be told by him, which will still make her feel awful. I'm sorry I'm not mixing words I'm telling you the truth.
Pherhaps (I'm suggesting this because the words will be hard to speak) you could print of your question and the answers you've received. Show it all to your dad, this way he'll know how you've been feeling the last year. If he doesn't respond then you could take the print outs to your step mum and let her read them. If you do that, then go to her one on one, don't include a big crowd, and do expect her to ask a lot of questions and be upset. Just remember it is not your fault, in a way you have been as much of a victim as she has.
Either way like I said I do not think you should carry this anymore. Your dad should know better. I am worried that if the pressure remains on you it will make you quite angry and in the end cause more damage for YOU than nessessary.
I hope this has been helpful, please feal free to ask for more advice.....
A
male
reader, tux  +, writes (28 March 2006):
 You are in a hard spot. A) Do you tell on your father to your step mom. or b) just keep quiet? It's hard to go against blood. a lot of it because you normally know them longer. But what your dad did was wrong. Not only did he cheat on his wife but he also did it with one of your friends. Don't ever think that it's your fault. Your dad is the one who is at fault and he is putting you in a hard spot. Perhaps you need to talk to him about this. As for your ex-friend still working for him. That's a tough one due to his mistakes. She could still be working there because your dad is afraid of firing her because she could end up suing him. This is why superiors shouldnt date underlings.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2006): Well personally i would start with talking to your dad and asking him to talk to your step-mum and for him to tell her himself ... that way giving him the option to come clean and be the better person for it ... also by telling him that if he doesnt tell her himself you will have to tell her as she deserves to know etc ... give him a certain amount of time to come forward and if he doesnt then you at least gave him the option and warned him what would happen if he didnt.
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