A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have this thing where i always fancy older men, and by that i mean aged between 25 and about 40...its really bad, and my friends are a bit like wtf....i know the only reason i am attracted to them is because im looking for a fatherly figure or something. My parents are separated and my dad lives about 45 minutes away but he is always working and i only see him in the holidays. When i am around him, i feel like he does care about me as i mean i get on with him. But he never bothers to call me or anything unless its near the holidays and its always me that has to call him. His excuse is that he’s busy with work all the time, but i swear if he cared about me he would make alot more of an effort. And then he tries and makes up for it or makes it look like he cares by spending alot on me when we’re together, of for Christmas and stuff. But he;s not around enough of when i really need him and i don’t feel close enough to him which is why i think i keep going for older men. I fancy a guy in his 3o’s at the moment, im like really infatuated with him. I don’t get the whole idea of looking for a fatherly figure because why would it make me actually fancy older men? And i don’t know what to do or how i can stop myself feeling like this because the only reason thuis man, or any man i fancy would make an effort with me would be if they wanted to use me for sex or something. Basically i just need like a fatherly figure in my life, and i don’t know how to stop needing that. There was this teacher in my old school he was like 40 or something, and i would talk to him about all this and i actually thought he really cared he was so sweet and then i started getting feelings for him and in the end he came on to me (lthough i never ended up sleeping with him so its not like he abused me or anything) But i mean i did actually think he cared, and that was all i needed back then. But i haven’t got any guy like that in my life right now and i don’t know if there is anything i can do to stop me feeling like this. Sorry, im just going on abput this.
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (23 January 2008):
 The father figure idea, is that girls seek adult male affection, such as between a daughter and a father. Being attracted to older men, all though it may develop into a sexual attraction, with the attraction comes a false sense of the affection that's lacking between you and your father.
Why don't you talk to him about it. When he buys you a lot, tell him NO, and let him know you'd trade everything he's given you for more time with him. He needs to realize, all though he loves you and cares for you, just giving gifts is a jesture. A jesture doesn't carry love, because it has no ability to love back. You need to be tough and tell him how you feel.
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