A
female
age
26-29,
*izzie_1234
writes:Okay well theres this guys ive been dating since eight grade and im now goinginto tenth grade. my dad hates him and ive always hide this relationship from him. weve never gone on a date through the summer we never see each other but yet we are still together. we both love each other so much and we dont know what to do anymore. not to mention we both just recently lost our virginity to each other and then it leak to a bunch of people and my dad found out and freaked and now he really hates him. like im grounded till for ever but yet im still with him and idk my boyfriend can be the sweetest person but sometimes its frustrating that he cares so much about me. we have talked about going to the same college and getting married and people think im nuts. and by my parents i was told that we will mature and grow apart. do yall think thats tru?. also my main question what should i do about this whole situation? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, lizzie_1234 +, writes (5 August 2011):
lizzie_1234 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni get what yall are saying. just so you guys no im 15 but yes still to young. my boyfriend and i know each other very well. we spend every second we can together and when were not together we are texting. With the hole thingwe were very carefull. i am on birth control and we also still used a condom just in case. but like yall have said is my best best is to just talk to my dad and not do it again. by the way i think people my have found out by over hearing a slight bit of our conversation neither one of us told any one.
A
female
reader, lizzie_1234 +, writes (5 August 2011):
lizzie_1234 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice. i never thought about it that way. i think that will really help. thanks again
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (5 August 2011):
 Sounds like dad is really protective of you. It's a good thing, but can be really frustrating too. Instead of just accepting that he doesn't like your boyfriend, why don't you sit him down sometime, and ask why that is? Say you'd like to know from him, exactly why it is that he doesn't like him. Or is it that he doesn't like him because he's the one you're with, and it wouldn't matter who you are with, you dad won't like them.
A big worry for a lot of fathers is that they know how guys can be, and sometimes over protect their little girl. With three daughters, I know how that is. Except instead of over protecting, when I see situations that might not have a good outcome, we talk about it. I know this may not be what he wants to hear, but your boyfriend didn't have sex with you, you two had sex with each other. He looks down at him, and hates him more for something that you are half responsible for.
You two need to have the teen to parent talk. You're growing up. You're dad is trying to protect you from the pains of doing so, but sometime he needs to let you live too. You need to tell him that you are growing up, and you appreciate him being there, but you need to have some room where you can fall, maybe get hurt, and learn from doing so. Although you're young, and maybe shouldn't be having sex, you're still getting old enough that the relationship needs to begin changing from protecting you, to more of a mature relationship. I say this because many parents who are really protective, end up being their child's last choice of someone to talk to when faced with a controversial situation.
Whatever you do, no "I'll do what I want attitude." If you talk with him, you need to begin by, "I understand I hurt you, and that you're disappointed by what I did." I know from being a father of teen girls, the pain is where you realize you can't be there 24/7 and protect them the way we hoped we can. He's reacting off of that realization by grounding you for life.
So, I recommend you talk to him. Let him know it's not going to be a screaming match, that you want to try to have a mature conversation. In order to have him loosen his grip, you both need to set up boundaries. But I'll tell you now, don't set up any or agree to anything that you won't keep. It's like we heart all to often.... If you want to be treated as mature, you have to act as if you are. So far you've been hiding your relationship. That's where you need to begin by agreeing you won't be sneaking around. But at the same token, it's not okay for him to not like someone because you and a boy like each other. It's not only not fair, but it separates your ability to communicate further.
I hope this helps. I went a little beyond your initial question because I feel you two have some real issues you need to work out together, so maybe the last couple of years before you turn 18 will be a little more pleasant and less stressful for the both of you.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (5 August 2011):
 You two will both mature but growing apart depends on the two of you and your feelings for each other and the things you want in life. You won't be grounded forever, maybe a few months but don't worry. It's a typical reaction for parents when they find out their underage daughter is involved in sexual activity. You're just going to have to stick this one out. Go through the normal routine, respect your parents, and don't do anything else sexual for a while, unless you want to keep getting grounded. And if you do decide to have sex again soon, make sure you're using condoms and birth control.
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A
female
reader, doll-face  +, writes (5 August 2011):
firstly - you're very young to be thinking about marriage and the likes. you've forever to think about that.
You may have been with him for 2 years, but by the sounds of it, you don't see each other much - how can you get to know each other like that?
You've lost your virginity together. Ok, so yes, you were too young for that, but it's done now. The thing is, as I said before, do you really know each other? You can't afford to raise a child - you're still just a child yourself. I'm 20 and I'm still too young!! If you're going to continue to have sex, you need to think about birth control and the likes.
But think about it... how did those people find out? the only people who originally knew about the sex was you and him. That means the only people who could have told other people were the two of you. Can you trust him enough to keep your life personal?
I can understand where your dad is coming from, and I hope you see that he only has good intentions for you. You're still his little girl, he's only trying to protect you! If you want to continue seeing this guy, you both need to sit your dad down and tell him how you feel about each other. Explain that you will respect his choices, and will not disrespect him by having sex in his home.
Keep us posted!
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