A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i'm 19 years old and so is my boyfriend, we've been together for 2 years and we're very happy.the thing is, that when i'm at university i always go to stay at my boyfriends and he always comes to stay with me (because i live far away)he hasn't got any parents, so it was quite hard for my mum to get around that when i told her i was staying over.. but it seems my dad has never felt it acceptable.during my uni months, i've stayed over lots and i've told my dad when i've seen my boyfriend.. but when i come back for my breaks, i don't dare stay at my boyfriends in case my dad doesn't like it.i know i'm old enough to make my own decisions and seen as i've been living alone for the past few months, i have grown up and been wholly responsible with what i've been doing in my spare time.. i just don't want to come home and become a little child again.the thing is, i don't really know how to approach my dad about all of this. i know he's only looking out for me, i know it's only because he cares and i'm his little girl, but i'm growing up and he just can't seem to accept it.i've been asked to stay at my boyfriend's tonight, and i really want to go. my boyfriend doesn't realise my dad has these issues with it because i think it'd upset him if he knew. i can't keep lying to my dad, but i don't want to hurt him. if i tell my dad, i'm scared he'll not be welcoming with my boyfriend.i know it's a bit long winded, but, i just need some help. whether it's to change my attitude to it and respect his house rules, or advice to talk to my dad.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your advice. it really has made me see a lot clearer.
i decided to stay out last night at my boyfriends & i told my dad because i didn't want to lie.
he didn't take it so well. infact he's ignoring me (which i frankly think is really immature)
i do respect my dad & i would never in a million years ask if my boyfriend could stay over at his house, let alone stay in the same bed.. but when it's at his, you'd have thought he'd let me go.
i feel like i'm being suffocated by him. i can't stand the silence either.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (13 April 2010):
Your Dad is accepting it to an extent, but like most parents he really doesn't want to know that you're probably having sex with this guy. I think you have to respect his rules in his house. But clearly there is nothing wrong with you going to your boyfriends. It's just a case of him not wanting you to be having sex together in the house, or something like that. Just tell your Dad that you respect he does not want your boyfriend to stay over, but that he needs to respect that fact you understand that and that's why you're going to your boyfriend's place. You are right, you can't be a child forever.
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A
female
reader, rambini +, writes (13 April 2010):
 when at your house you have to respect and live by your fathers rules, however you are an adult and so what you do outside of his house is up to you. obviously you should avoid hurting him as far as possible, but equally you need to take responsibility for your own life. why not try talking to your dad, explain to him that you are an adult but that you still respect and value his opinion. maybe see if your boyfriend could come to your house for tea so your dad can meet him?best of luck
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