A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My father has been an alcoholic for a long time. He has beaten me and my mother since I was a baby. My boyfriend turned out to be aggressive, as well. He drinks a lot and I think he is an alcoholic, too. I would like to leave them, but I love them. I'm desperate. What can I do???
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2007): hey there alcohol and drug abuse are quite bad things, ive been thru drugs and alcohol abuse and your not in control and you need them as it is like a comfort blanket, they need help and guidance , they might get very angry when they dont have there "hit" aka there drink but you must get them to seak professional help
the hardest and first step is to admit you have an addiction but it is hardwork, but once they admit they have a problem and are willing to get help slowly but surely you will notice how they change ive been clean off drugs for 8 months now and it took 2 really good friends to help me thru it but i survied after 2 suidide appempts but im here and im a better man
people might look down upon me for having a drug addiction but there were horrors in my past that made me the way i was and i didn[t know any other way til my friends said this is enough
many thanks for reading this if you would like to chat more my email is [email address blocked]
A
female
reader, scorpio  +, writes (11 October 2007):
 The sad fact is we always end up marrying men that are either like our father or give us things our fathers never did. Until you resolve the relationship that you have with your father and make it as healthy as you can you will continue to be attracted to alcoholic or addictive behaviors because you are comfortable with it, no matter how sad it actually makes you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2007): Hun, I am sorry that you are living with this awful disease. It's wonderful you have written in for more perspective on this because alcoholism is insidious and it affects not only the addicted persons but the people who live with them, as well. It is time to decide on your best course of action and what your life and future will be. It's also time to stop this destructive pattern that has consumed your life. You lived your whole life where an important influence in your life, your Mother, has set a pattern of co-dependency herself.. on a man who has abused you and her. There has been nothing meaningful you could be getting from a father and a bf, who is constantly blasted under the influence of alcohol.
I think you need to leave and get out on your own. It appears you are following your Mother's pattern by being drawn to an individual who drinks like your father. You know what your Mother (and you) experienced. You've had a lifetime of misery and sorrow. I know you don't want this same pain for yourself and any future children, you could have with this bf..should you two marry. I think they need counseling but you should consider it for yourself, as well. It may offer you an opportunity to talk about and understand how you got into a relationship with someone under the influence of alcohol. It's very difficult to have a genuine, committed relationship with someone who is chemically impaired? Usually people like this never give up their first and only love...their bottle.
The only people who can't stop their addictions is your bf and your father. They are not there yet..and they may never be. You can tell them to go for help until you are blue in the face. But, these men will not go for treatment or begin recovery until they fully realize they have a problem or have the desire to quit.. That could be years, many, many years from now. Don't put yourself through this...leave and go begin a happier, independent less stressful life for yourself. Don't allow yourself to be like your Mother where she never had the perfect love and happy marriage she deserved.. We know that was a huge disaster, held together by extraordinary efforts on her part, wasn't it. Don't repeat her life. Make your own life and do what you have to do to get away from this addiction.
Get some outside help. Are there is any trusted family members that can get you out of there, until you are on your own two feet and reach adulthood? Friends? Do you have a trusted minister or pastor at a church that can offer guidance and help. You may have to consider getting some legal advice as well. The courts and the law could be on your side here. Many of the legal courts and judegs have a simple view of a matter, like this. They don't knowingly allow minors to be in a family where one parent is an alcoholic. You may have to try this route, in order to break away from your dysfunctional, abusive home. You have a tough time ahead of you..expect some flack and a great deal of resentment from your Father. He will not like the idea that his addictions drove his own daughter from the house. But this may be the relaity check he needs to realize he needs help and badly. You actions may help your Mother to gain the strength to say "enough' as well. It's a big risk...but it's your one chance at a happy, decent future. Good luck dear
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A
female
reader, sexi  +, writes (11 October 2007):
 Hi
You should take some time out to see what is really happenig to you. Your bf being aggressive with you is a potential for an abusive relationship and you dont want to be in a relationship like that. You deserve better and there is someone out there for you that would treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Look at you r mum she is happy with the way your dad treats her and if you stay wih your bf, you would turn out just like your mum.Speak to your bf and let him know how his actions are affecting you. Maybe if he really loves you and you let him in on what he is doing wrong then he would change but i would suggest that you get out of that relationship.
Regards,mail me if you wanna talk
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2007): Hi. I really feel for u, n i no how hard it must be to admit to this happening. But u hav to tell someone if u havnt already, someone who can actually sort this out. U tell yr dad that he needs help, and unless he doesnt get it, ur leaving. Does ur dad no about yr boyfreind? If not, tell him. Maybe u all can sort things out. Remember, if ur dad doesn't stop, leave. Also, im not sayin u shuld hate ur mother, but she shuldnt have put u through that. She shuld hav left the moment she new ur dad was harming u. I wuld hav. N ur boyfrend. It mite be ok with ur dad nw, u mite be able trust him nt to hit u again. But please dump ur bf. It is too much of a risk. Wat if u hav a child with him n the sme thing that happened to u happens to that child. Trust me, u will luv ur child, n can u realli put someone u luv through the sme pain u went through? This wuld just be selfish! U cnt giv ur bf anouther chance, it wuld be too risky. Im sorry, but luv or no luv, hitting is wrong, n u hav to get out unless u no for sure that they can change.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (11 October 2007):
 You say you love them? With love we help those we love, don't we. If someone is in trouble, don't we lend a helping hand? You're going to have to leave. You'll be doing it out of love. That sounds weird but it has two affects.
(1) You were beat. You can't help anyone until you help yourself and build your strength.
(2) Sometimes people don't think about what they are really doing until someone they love has had enough and walks away from them
As long as you remain there it's like saying "your behavior is OK."
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