A
female
age
30-35,
*eenz
writes:I've been with a guy for just over three months now, after having a messy breakup with an ex who I was with for seven months, and only ended the beginning of this year. I thought i had moved on and that i could be happy with my new bf but now my ex is wanting me back, and i've found I still have feelings for him. I feel so stupid, I no it would be wrong to go back on what i've worked hard to get by moving on, and I never thought i'd be able to move on as I adored my ex. Unfortunately my ex lives overseas which is partly why the relationship ended in the first place, due to lack of trust and the pressure of having a long distance relationship. Lately me and my currant boy friend have been having dispute as I find him to be some what controlling, but very caring and understanding, also things between us are quite serious, as they were with my ex. My ex is saying that he realised he can't live without me anymore, and that he is working on moving over here to be with me, I have no idea if i should trust him but I want to, and the thought of having a life with him excites me, where as a life together with my currant boy friend feels as though i'd just be settling. My currant boy friend is much more mature then my ex, and has a good future ahead of him, i'm just not sure I want to be part of it anymore. I thought I knew right from wrong be at the moment i'm questioning myself. I've told myself i'm not going to resort to cheating and I havn't told my ex any decisions i've made yet, I tried blocking all contact I had with him but I didnt feel gud bout it after, he managed to get hold of me anyway to tell me how he feels, however my currant boyfriend seems to have strong feelings for me as well, I feel as thought I have strong feelings still for my ex but whether thats justified or not i don't know, as i've hardly meet him in person, I love and care for my currant boyfriend and do not wish to hurt him, but i'm tired of the pressure of trying to do the right thing all the time, and my feelings for my ex are confusing me, he might not be the perfect guy as i know he's done alot in his past, and he swears he has changed, problem is I love him regardless, and my feelings for him are very different to the feelings I have for my currant boyfriend who would probably be the safer option. I have no idea what to do, is there any advice someone can give me, i've thought about asking them both for some time to think.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 September 2010):
 Why do you think so " either or "? You talk as if, at 16, your choices are limited to these two guys, none of which is really an optimal choice for you, and as if you could never meet anyone better than these two.
The current boyfriend needs to go. All you say shows your lukewarm attitude toward him, and picking him as the " safer option " is disrespectful to him and, ultimately, to yourself. It's like you are telling yourself you deserve no more than second best.
As for the ex boyfriend, uhm, I don't know. If you broke up, there must have been issues, and if these issues have not been fixed in the meantime, you'll just break up again. Plus, I admit I am totally skeptical about Internet LDRs, particularly at your age. I think they belong to the realm of illusion and fantasy, - they are just the surrogate for a real world relationship. Maybe, if he does move to your country, you can see how it goes...
But what you really should do is just accept that neither one is Mr.Right, and live happily your life as a single until Mr. Right shows up.
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