A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid, I have been in my relationship for 16 years. I have 2 kids with this man and 2 from my marriage. My current boyfriend can't seem to stop looking at dirty magazines despite knowing how it makes me feel. I have explained my feelings to him and he promised me he would stop buying them. Since then I have caught him lying about it 5 times! I have found magazines hidden all over the house and garage. I told him at one point not to lie to me and let me know if he had to have them, he said he didn't NEED or want them and a week later I found one in the bathroom vent! I'm not a prude at all but he's almost 50, we have a very active sex life ( 5 time's a week at least ) don't u think he should be passed this stage in life? and while these magazines can MAKE me feel inadequate I gave him the option of telling me if he had then but still opted to lie to me? Why?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2014): I'd dump them i should be my guy's porn.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2014): I'm in your age range. My fiancé has a hidden stash of porn magazines and movies and all of girls are made to look young, teenage like, but legally over 18. He likes the young ones, even though he is a middle aged man which I feel he is trying to hang onto his youth and the young models give him that youthful feeling instead of facing the fact that he is growing older. Yes, I got the ick factor from it. He doesn't know I know about his stash. Sometimes I enjoy the porn movies for the young male models, so I can't be a hypocrite in what he enjoys.Geez, I remember finding my dad's porn magazines hidden in the bottom of the clothes hamper and I was 9 years old. That was a major ick factor to discover that about my dad.Even my grandpa(!)in his late 70's...the family got him cable tv...and when my grandma would go to bed...he would stay up and watch those x-rated channels. I can laugh about it now, but the family was appalled at the time.Still it's not easy to always accept, more because I am aging, with menopause, wrinkles and gray hair now appearing. Plus, I look tired all the time. It's distressing to watch myself age, but then I tell myself how lucky I am to be able to age because so many people never made it this far in life or had their life short changed by passing away.I always tell myself I had my time in the sun to shine when I was younger but I that I am very lucky to be able to shine as I go into my twilight years.For fun, sometimes I think of putting a pretty boy model in a brief swimming suit as a wallpaper on my computer to take a jab at my fiancé. You have been with him for 16 years. That is a long time. You know him better than us and at his age he will not change. Your sex life is good and 5 times a week is exceptional and it's not affecting your sex life. He is still with you after all this time, so I wouldn't worry to much about it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2014): "I gave him the option of telling me if he had then but still opted to lie to me? Why?"
Because he stands nothing to gain by telling the truth; it's easier for him to tell you what you want to hear when he doesn't mean it than be honest, and he knows that there aren't going to be any consequences when you catch him in a lie.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (20 November 2014):
Yes lying because you're not really giving him any choice. You'll probably have to stop giving him a hard time about it since he obviously doesn't feel like your dislike of the magazines is justified.
Or you can keep making him promise he won't do it again and see if it works.
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A
male
reader, MrBigShot110 +, writes (19 November 2014):
Pornography addiction can be serious if left unchecked and it seems as though he's at a point where the want to satisfy the addiction is as strong or possibly stronger than his desire to keep all his energy in your relationship. I'd suggest seeing a counselor as soon as possible. It's best to get a professional involved so that this doesn't destroy your relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2014): He's clearly not going to change.So why don't you compromise. Tell him to NEVER LET YOU SEE the magazines. He should put them somewhere you won't see them. And you shouldn't go looking for them. If you suspect that's what it is when you see it, don't open it.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (19 November 2014):
Magazines? Doesn't he know he can watch all the porn he wants on the internet for free?
Maybe you shouldn't tell him about it.
Look. I'm almost your age. My husband likes porn. Heck, so do I sometimes. It is clear at this stage that your dear husband is not going to stop, and that he says what he says to spare your feelings and to get you off his back. Enjoying porn is perfectly normal for males of all ages, and no, they do not generally "get past it".
All that out of the way, his enjoyment of these magazines has nothing to do with you. You describe a relationship that is otherwise good and an active sex life. You say these magazines make you feel bad. I'd like to point out that a magazine cannot MAKE you do, or feel, anything. You feel the way you do because perhaps YOU have poor self body image, or because perhaps YOU are insecure, or perhaps YOU don't like the fact that you are getting older while those girls apparently stay forever young.
My point is, you cannot change him, and he is unlikely to change. You can change yourself. In my opinion the magazines are harmless, if you feel differently then perhaps it is time to evaluate whether this is a deabreaker for you. If this is his only vice, I say let him have it.
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