A
male
age
36-40,
*uan12junje
writes:Hello. I have a coworker I happened to like her. I met her at work and became a friend but I have started having a feeling for her just 2 months now since last December. So I just told her yesterday how I feel and she was surprised but it went well. I told her I had hard time and I wanna get you off my mind cause I knew that she has a boyfriend. She said she has considered me as a friend and she will distance from me. I told her I wanna keep in touch with you and want to know you for long. She said so do I. At the end of conversation, I asked her if you and I both are happen to be single, would you go out with me. The answer was no because she said she's in relationship and saying yes or no either seems not right but no at the moment. The question is that should I change my behavior at work? I usually help her out even though she didn't ask and try to have lunch break together and am a bit physically affectionate. Should I distance myself from her as well cause she will distance from me cause she said she will give me time. I want to leave her as an option and don't want to be friend zoned. Any answers and questions for details appreciatedThanks.
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at work, co-worker, crush, has a boyfriend, she has a boyfriend Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2019): Umm you're beyond friend-zoned. You are now colleage-zoned. She has rejected you and told you she is not interested, AND she is taken. Save yourself some dignity and give her a LOT of space.
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (28 January 2019):
 You want to leave her as an option?
Dude, she isn’t interested. She has a BF and very clearly told you no when you asked her the question. Leave her alone.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (28 January 2019):
 What can you do? You can LISTEN to what the lady told you and back off. She is happy with her boyfriend.
If you need a second opinion, contact her boyfriend and ask HIM what he feels you should do.
If she has any sense, she will avoid you now at work. Don't put her into that uncomfortable position. Show yourself to be the better person and back off until such time as she MAY be ready for more.
Getting involved with someone at work is seldom a good idea anyway. I am sure I don't need to spell out to you why not.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2019): If you had a girlfriend and some dude on her job was crushing on her; what would you want him to do? What would you want her to do?
You take no for an answer; and you were out of line for asking. She told you she has a relationship and would not even consider dating you. Now back-off!
Respect boundaries.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (28 January 2019):
 I don't think you are even in the friend-zone anymore. Once you declared you true feelings, you stepped out of the friend-zone. It sounds to me as though she has made herself pretty clear. So you are now firmly in the work- colleague-zone. So be polite and respectful to her, let time heal your wounds, and who knows what the future might bring. If she is meant to be with you in time, and you haven't been a jerk to her, well... But then, time passing may just bring a new person into your life who'll be the one. By treating all women with respect and kindness will make you a much more attractive human.
Take care xx
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (27 January 2019):
 You HAVE been friend-zoned. That is what happens when you declare your feeling to someone WHO ALREADY has a partner. It RARELY works out. and she ONLY sees you as a friend. ACCEPT that.
I would suggest you leave her be, look for love elsewhere. OUTSIDE of work.
She has found love with someone else. She doesn't owe you anything.
Some times we fall for people (crush) who don't feel the same about us. THAT is life. The best thing to do is let it go and move on, try it with someone else. SOMEONE SINGLE.
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