A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Help my coworker admitted to having feelings for me! Brief scenario - we sit next to each other in the office and at first I thought he was nice( I treat him the same way as the other guys) innocent jokes etc. I did notice he likes to blame other people for not completing his tasks so I distanced myself a bit but still kept it professional - I have made comments about men I date and what types of men I like which would indicate that I obviously don’t like him that way. He also has a girlfriend I have noticed when I talk about the guys I date he gets jealous and I feel always say oh you’ll find the “one” oh are u serious with himLong story short one day when we left Work he told me he liked me - at first I thought he was joking but he had a serious face- I brushed it off and I made up a lie about how I am dating someoen How can/should I react to this person? I dotn het it he has a gf?And even if I liked him he still has a gf?! Was this a set up ? He does gossip about coworkers and seems to always blame other colleagues for not doing his workAny insights on how to act around rhis person - we sit close and I always feel like he watches me .. it’s weird
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2018): Like they have all said keep it professional and just stay clear of him if he keeps it going tell him ur uncomfortable talking about this you both are at work and he has a girlfriend. Men like that are a total piece of trash when they think it's okay to tell other how they feel in a work setting and like you have stated he has a girlfriend. And that would bug me to.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2018): This guy sounds like a real JERK!If you are a smart woman, you will tell him you are not interested and distance yourself from him immediately. You owe him nothing. He works with you. He is not your friend. So, unless it is work related, you should not be talking to him at all, either inside or outside the office.I have seen men like this in the workplace time and time again. They ruin your reputation if you associate with them. People will start to gossip if they see you getting too cozy with him. Even if nothing is going on!Steer clear is the best advice here.He is either attempting to fool around on his girlfriend which makes him a piece of trash or trying to yank you around for his amusement, which also makes him a piece of trash. On top of that, he is being unprofessional. And puts you in a position to be laughed at, gossiped about, not taken seriously at your job, and perhaps even fired. Did I say he's a piece of trash? Yes, I did. And there, I said it again! But you already know that!Once all the damage is done, you cannot go back.I hate men like that that are so childish and arrogant to feel entitled to actually say such things. Remember, if he begins to harass you, go to human resources. Nobody should put up with that type of behaviour. It is not tolerated and you certainly do have rights. So, exercise them if this creep is creating too much nonsense.I have dealt with so many creeps in the work place as a receptionist. I have lost count. I have put them in their place and ignored them. However, the odd one or two was getting out of hand so I did go to Human Resources. Rest assured, neither of them EVER bothered me again.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 June 2018):
 1. Keep dating out of the work place.
2. stay far away from guys with a partner/GF/wife/fiance/BF
I agree that you need to rein in just how much personal stuff you share with the office.
If he brings it up again in any way, no need to lie - just say:" well for one, YOU have a GF and secondly I don't date in the work place." Subject closed.
And then just be professional. FOCUS on doing your job. Someone who will gossip about other co-workers will GOSSIP about YOU. Remember that.
Keep doing your job, be busy and IGNORE any "jealous" or "but-hurt" behavior from him.
In short BE professional.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (5 June 2018):
 It always amazes me that people feel it is appropriate to discuss their private lives at work (during work hours I assume). You get paid to work. If you are sitting there, gossiping and chatting with your colleagues, you are taking money from the company under false pretences as you are not working.
In addition, as in this case, you run the risk of colleagues misinterpreting your chatting as giving them a "come on". If you hadn't chatted to your colleague about your private life and dating, it is far less likely he would have felt it appropriate to tell you he likes you. The boundaries would have been drawn and any feelings he may have had he would have kept to himself.
You now have the awkward situation of knowing he fancies you. This is made even more awkward because, as you state, he has a girlfriend.
In your shoes, I would concentrate on work at work and keep your personal life private. That way you are far less likely to get into this awkward sort of situation again. As for the colleague who felt it appropriate to tell you he likes you, you can always say a polite "thank you" and move on and ignore it happened. If he pushes the situation, ask him what his girlfriend thinks of him telling other women he likes them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2018): "He also has a girlfriend"
Then that's all she wrote. It's inappropriate to discuss your personal-life, especially your love-life openly among co-workers. There's this thing called professionalism and your work-ethic. Your behavior at work is scrutinized and discussed by your peers and colleagues. Citing that numbskull as a primary example.
He's totally out of line. So tell him so. He gossips, blames others for his mistakes. What does he have to do to make you avoid him? Sitting next to him doesn't mean you have to entertain him all day. How does work get done?
Be stand-offish. Polite, but professional. Keep your personal-business to yourself. If he needs to talk, discuss work-related topics; so you're not the next one he blames for his short-comings. For being a distraction; or interrupting his work-flow.
Don't discuss your boyfriends and dates with co-workers. He became over-familiar; because you speak too openly about your personal-life. That's oversharing. That's between you, your dates, and the fly on the wall!
You have a built-in instinct for dealing with creeps. We avoid or flee from them!
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