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female
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anonymous
writes: ive always been close to my two male cousins but ever since i can remember, theyve always abused me. it wasnt as bad when we were little but since we've got older its got worse and im scared of what theyll do next. the weird thing is theyre not always like this, most of the time we get on fine and theyre really nice, but sometimes when we're alone together theyll be like completely different people. theyll blackmail me or hurt me to get me to go along with what they want. i recently went on holiday with them and 1 of them seems to have grown up a bit and left me alone, however the other one seems to have just got worse. shall i wait for him to grow up aswell?? or is there a way to make him stop?? if i tell someone it will tear our family apart, please help me, ill really appreciate it!!
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male
reader, David Lewis  +, writes (5 September 2006):
 If you read your post as though sombody else has written it, what would you advise?
Deep down, you know you must tell somebody. This will carry on for as long as you let it.
You need to be firm, it may cause family problems, but these will smooth out and you will feel much stronger and self confident for it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2006): as hard as it is you really need to tell some one. I have ben through this myself. You need to make yourself heard and say NO! you know this is wrong do not put yourself through it. I would also advice counseling too as it helped me alot. Be strong. xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2006): Sorry, I meant she.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2006): Why wasn't mom or dad told of this? Mom and Dad need to know of this as it is unhealthy and far from normal to be abused.
I think talking to them may be of help. Also talking to the older one that seemed to have grown up and ask him why he was like that and why he did it and tell him you never thought it was right of him to do those things to you.
Chances are that they are witnessing some abuse in their home and they are "acting out" this aggression.
Have you thought to get some individual counselling so you don't have to feel so alone?
I hope things sort themselves out and fast. Maybe just walking away when the younger abuser starts his crap is the best way of coping for now.
It can be done. Just refuse him when he says let's go hang....tell him you don't feel up to it. If he asks, tell him you are sick and tired of putting up with his abuse and you aren't going to be there for him to treat like crap any longer.
Good Luck.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2006): Thanx, but i cant really avoid them because i see them a lot, and our families are really close. I cant really avoid being left alone with them either, i have no choice but to go on holidays and when i am staying at their house with them i have to share a room with them.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2006): If they abuse you then steer clear of them. Don't see them, don't talk to them and don't go on holidays with them. Okay they are your cousins and you get on well but that doesn't mean you have to spend any time with them.
Just never see them again. If there is a family gathering I gather that isn't so bad as there are lots of others around - however I see no reason why you should ever see them in private again.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2006): Thanks for your advice, you've really helped me out!
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female
reader, kristinp +, writes (2 September 2006):
I hav a cousin that abused me but i was sacared it would tear my family apart untill one day he put me in the hospital i was so scared to tell my family what happend.so i made something up, and it didn't stop, and it was destroy me inside.when i finnly told my famely what was going on it stoped and it did tear my family apart and I regret it to this day my advise is try as hard as you can to stop it your self before you make that decion tell him that you dont like it and you will tell before you tell the family give them a chance to stop first.
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female
reader, Tine +, writes (1 September 2006):
 forget tearing your family apart and think of yourself for once. This is tearing you apart and being abused is no way to go on with life. You need to put a stop to this torment now and stand up to him, if he hurts you again tell someone like your parents or their parents and dont hide away from it anymore
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male
reader, Mr S +, writes (1 September 2006):
 The first thing is you used the phrase “they’ve always abused me” if I take this literally then I would strongly suggest that you tell someone that is in a position to stop these actions. You must understand that you are in no way responsible or to blame for the undesirable actions of another person. You don’t say your age, if you are at school and you cannot talk to your parents then approach the school councillor or your head of Year. If you are a young adult then approach your parents, or the parents of the boys that are bothering you. If you are on your own then phone the police and get it stopped, No one has the right to abuse another person. Bringing it out in to the open will stop the boy’s actions.
Remember you are not responsible for another person’s action. You are an innocent victim TELL SOMONE
All the best
Remember to yourself be true
Mr S
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