A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I am in a bit of a pickle concerning my relationship with my cousin. I am 25 and she is 20. I am single and am not interested in pursuing a love life at the moment as i am focused on my career. My cousin is single and is in university. I have always been close to her, and have loved her as if she was my little sister. I have known for sometime that she loves me romantically. One year ago she even took the courage to confess to me. I was not taken back, nor did i feel appalled. I thanked her for her love and responded by telling her that i would not think of this confession any differently. I wanted her focused on her studies and not so much on relationships, and at the same time I am skeptical of the behaviors of other males. Hence i rather have her love me for the time being until she graduates.I won't deny that I've had fantasies of the "what ifs" but these are just fantasies. I'm not perfect and so i know the weariness of other males. My cousin is a very good girl. She is smart, cute and athletic. The ideal woman if she were not my cousin. Lately she's been aggressive sexually in that she would force kisses, grope my genitals, and nibble on my ears. I manage to evade the kisses, but when she nibbles on my ears i get weak to the knees and can't fight her off.I've told her relentlessly i love her like a little sister, and each time she accepts and cries. It hurts my heart to see her cry, so i hug and pet her until she calms down. With this said she continues on doing this. I thought that she would stop there.She keeps insisting to take it to the next level as in intercourse. I decline with excuses: I'm not interested in sex, I'm exhausted and so forth. I do not know how to continue evading her advances. I have told that it is immoral, but she claims she does not care and that my body wants it because it reacts to her advances. I tried explaining it would react to any girl but she doesn't care and i can't seem to convince her otherwise. She understands that we cannot be together yet still does this. I am terribly afraid that i might not be able to fend her advances off one day and succumb to the body's desire.
View related questions:
cousin, not interested in sex, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2012): You need to actually put your foot down. You've pussy-footed around this enough.In this instance it doesn't matter what SHE wants or whether or not you enjoy a woman doing these things. You are related, and any sexual or romantic relationship with cousins is illegal in your country. That's be all and end all.And to the last poster... you have OBVIOUSLY never known what it is like to have a massive amount of testosterone pumping through your system. YES it is possible to control, but it is a great deal harder than you might make it out to be. Testosterone makes us aggressive in ways you cannot understand. It was vital to our survival as a young species but it lingers in us still.So give the poor guy a break on that. I'm sure you can't control being a bit on the aggressive or snippy side when you are ovulating.Flynn 24
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 November 2012):
 It does not sound though as these advances are unwelcome to you . Far from it.
First," she might as well love me rather than other males till she graduates" is completely f....d up. She can't love you, and she should move on, and you should want her to move on, and what best way to move on than if she starts getting interested in other men and dating them. In case she should graduate later because she is too taken with guys ( improbable ) , how's anyway this any of your business ? You are just her cousin, not her tutor, or the person who pays for her studies. Don't overstep your boundaries.
Second, you are allowing these inappropriate contacts to go on, and it must be because you like them.
If you consider her a sister, pretend that she is really a screwed up, out of her mind sister, and don't let her touch you. At all. Same as you evade the kisses, you can evade the touchings and the nibblings. LEAVE the room immediately when she gets physically too close. Or, raise your voice and say " Stop ! " as sharp as if you were correcting a disobedient dog. I am the last one to advise you to hit a woman, but you need to be physically forceful- grab her wrist when she lounges for your genitalia, or, when she goes for the nibbling, plant the palm of your hand firmly against her face and push back . You don't need to hurt her , and I would not want you to do that, but you need to use a powerful, final " don't even go there " body language that matches exactly the rejection in your words. Instead you stay still, say oh no no... and let her touch you all over, secretly squealing in delight. You remind me of the old spinsters in some jokes... you know, those who look under their bed to see if there's a man hidden with bad intentions,.. and they are sooo disappointed when they don't find one.
OP, whom do you want to fool, yourself or us ? Nobody can come so close to touch you intimately if you don't let them, unless they are overpowering you in size, as your cousin is probably not.
The truth is, unless they are bigger than you AND they have a mind to rape you, - people can only play with your body if you let them.
No means no, and this must be clear in your mind vefore than in your cousin's. Don't encourage this girl, as you are doing with your wishy washy attitude,and your hugs and cuddles. Best of all, refuse to interact with her until she learns to control herself. I.e.- if she can't treat you as a cousin , she won't see you at all.
And why the heck to you need "excuses " to not have sex with her. Tell her the truth : you are my cousin and I don't want to fuck my cousin, so stop it. If you don't , I'll tell your parents, and I'll raise hell within the family.
The problem is, that if she actually stops with those delicious ear nibblings,.... where will you get your secret kicks, your naughty exciting " frissons " from ,right ?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2012): "at the same time I am skeptical of the behaviors of other males."
Wow that's very nice of you isn't it? Nope! So you don't want a relationship with her but don't want other guys having her either? What an asshole possessive attitude you have OP. That's the most selfish thing I've ever heard, you feed her desires, tease her and won't let her move on. How nice of you.
"so i know the weariness of other males." Oh do you now? How great you are OP, every other guy is douche but you treat her so well don't you? She's lucky to have sach a "caring" cousin.
"I manage to evade the kisses, but when she nibbles on my ears i get weak to the knees and can't fight her off.
I've told her relentlessly i love her like a little sister, and each time she accepts and cries."
So you let her get sexual with you, tease her and break her heart every time and make her cry? Such a lovely guy OP, you really know how to take care of your "little sister" don't you?
"I am terribly afraid that i might not be able to fend her advances off one day and succumb to the body's desire."
Oh poor you, it must be so hard for you OP, I don't know how you manage to cope. Understand I'm being sarcastic in that sentence.
Why are you acting like such a douche to this girl OP? What makes you think any of what you're doing is acceptable. And then you play the victim of her desires and like you're some kind of protective older brother? Really? brothers let their confused little sisters touch their cocks do they? They actively prevent them finding boyfriends do they?
You're nothing of the kind OP, you're breaking this girls heart and keeping her hanging on because you're selfish. You won't let her go, you won't let her move on because you're spiteful and don't want anyone else having her but won't be with her either.
You know what other guys are like eh? Well not many other guys would treat someone they say they care about so horribly, they wouldn't tease her just enough to keep her hanging on then pull away and make her cry each time. You say nothing is happening or can happen and then play some kind of martyr like you can't help but let her stroke your cock.
I'm sorry OP and I'm fully willing to have this post deleted and my account banned for saying this but you're a selfish slime.
You're playing with this girl, fucking with her heart, stopping her moving on, teasing her with just enough top keep coming back for more then you crush her with this "it's never going to happen" bullshit.
"She understands that we cannot be together yet still does this."
No she doesn't, you say one thing then allow her to stoke your dick, are you that much of a pussy that you can't push her away, is she that much of a bitch that she wouldn't respect your boundaries if you made it very clear that's not acceptable?
My advice to you is to grow up, you're not special, you're not even nearly a good guy and you're doing nothing to protect her at all, you're just using this girl for your own selfish need. You like that she likes you and you don't anyone else getting that, your ego boost is more important than her happiness. I don't know how you can live with yourself to be honest, although you do seem completely deluded.
...............................
A
female
reader, dmartin89  +, writes (24 November 2012):
 Tell her parents and let them talk to their daughter, simples. And in the future if shecones on to you again, state that you do not want her and leave her to cry. Do not coddle her. She is an adult!
...............................
|
