A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I have a bit of a tricky situation and need advice.My cousin who i was very close to moved to Chicago 6 years ago when she got married.We have always kept in touch.Now just before Christmas she joined facebook but she bombards me with things everyday -everday she writes on my wall,sometimes even twice a day. She just askes how i am ,what im doing and then gives me her daily updates etc.. She also constantly sends me hug requests and pokes and if i dont reply back or poke back she gets paranoid im avoiding her!!The other day she wrote on my wall,sent me a request and a poke and an email-i didnt reply to any so i got another email asking if i was avoiding her!My colleagues who i also have on my FB have noticed how much she writes on my wall and have commented that she seems obsessive.Then she is always updating her status expecting us to comment and if we dont then she changes it again and puts things like "is anyone out there". Her status are always doom and gloom like "what an awful day i've had etc.." and writes an entire paragraph about it!Please dont tell me to remove her or be honest as she is very sensitive and last time i was honest with her about something it made things worse.She is lonley over there but she doenst help herself as she doesnt go out and dedicates her life to her husband and kids. How do i handle this?
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female
reader, Tigerlily  +, writes (23 January 2010):
I assume you work? Maybe tell send her a private note and tell her that they are cracking down on everyone's Facebook activity at work so you won't be able to post as often, or tell her your boss caught you on facebook when you had something due so now he's watching you. Then back off for a week or two and only log in a few times a week.
If she just signed on at Xmas then it's only been a few weeks and she may have gotten swept up in "Facebook Fever". Hopefully if you back off then she will find some other friends and eventually calm down a bit.
A
female
reader, jc82 +, writes (23 January 2010):
 People are usually super enthusiastic when they first get facebook, then their interest dwindles over time. Maybe she will calm down as well, eventually. Until then, you could tell her you are bored with facebook and that you only log on once a day, or every other day. Send her a comment or a small response once a day or every other day, and let that be enough. If she complains, just reassure her that you care, and tell her you don't like wasting too much time on the computer. Also, if you feel she could handle it, you could mention to her that you have another friend who puts her whole life in her status updates and is obsessed with facebook. You could mention that you think your other friend seems needy when she does this, even though you think she is really a normal person. Maybe she will take the hint. In any case, good luck!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (23 January 2010):
It could well be that she's very bored and found facebook is the only way of human contact.
I would send her a private message and ask her seriously if she is ok. Point out that her obsessive posting of doom and gloom is making you worried about her.
Ask her if her marriage is ok and invite her to come and visit. It could be just a sign that she is having a hard time making friends in the real world over there so suggest she joins clubs or groups or volunteers or goes on a course.
She just sounds very lonely to me so give her some advice on how to get out there and meet people.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (23 January 2010):
 errrk
how long has it been, does it look like her facination with facebook might diminish with time, or has it been for several months already? As she becomes more confident technically she may find other sites to visit, there are lots of online communities she could join, apart from that you will just have to bite the bullet and let her know you often don't have time to respond to all her posts.
but its a tough one ........
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