A
male
age
36-40,
*rOveranalysing
writes:I met my long-lost second cousin by chance, we were both happy to have met a relative as we are both away from our families working on foreign soil. On first impressions he seemed wonderful: charming, smart, and intelligent. It also transpired we were both gay, which was cool because I’d never told any of my relatives about my sexuality. At first there was friendly flirtation which I enjoyed and encouraged (never intending for it to go further), but he did at some point seem keen to take it to the next level, which I declined quietly. I enjoyed the attention but also didn’t fancy him, though it took me a while to realize. He later told me he was repulsed by the idea of us ever doing anything, though his actions indicated something entirely different. I thought we’d overcome this strangeness and could grow a healthy relationship. I felt sorry for him because he seemingly had very few friends. So I started introducing him to my good friends, all of whom I think highly of. Whenever he’d meet them, usually they’d hit it off (as charming as he is), and then he would start inviting them out (this happened 4 or maybe 5 times), but leaving me out. Later it transpires that he had made sexual advances to at least three of them! All three being some of my closest friends. I’m uncertain if it was requited. In the third instance of it happening in 2 months or so, my friend showed no interest. But my cousin kept on sending him explicit pictures on a gay web app on his genitalia. This friend made it clear he was uninterested again and blocked him, but my cousin started sending him ‘friendly’ messages on facebook and also kept enquiring about him constantly. It reached a point where my friend was actively avoiding him. I don’t know what to do, I wish I had never introduced him to any of my friends because now it’s just awkward, and honestly I find his behavior creepy and disrespectful. How am I intelligently to deal with this situation? On the one hand I think he is a person who clearly has sex addiction issues and is borderline perverse. On the other, he seems to see no fault in his own behavior. I gently confronted him and asked him if something was wrong, he denied it, though took a day or two to respond to my messages. I feel insulted and embarrassed that he uses me to make friends and gain sexual conquests, but shows little regard or respect for my own feelings. I would not mind so much if he had made any effort to get to know me, but often I feel he patronizes me and sees me as a tool to get what he wanted. It brings me small pleasure, that he is not the best looking guy and his ego has taken a gentle bashing with friends partially rejecting him or at least cooling off interest soon after encounters.
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cousin, facebook, flirt, sex addict Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (17 July 2012):
 Confront your cousin. Tell him your friends are not there for him to hit on and if his advances have been turned down he needs to respect it. Or else..
I would make it quite certain that he can not be part of your group of friends if THIS is how he treats other guys.
JUST because he is gay doesn't mean he needs to hit on every single dude he meets.
Sounds like your Cousin is having trouble reading people and using common sense.
Honestly, if you get nothing out of this friendship from his side and all he does is use you as a "supplier" of guys for him to hit on, is there a point to being friends with him? Even if he is family? I know that sounds harsh, but sometimes people just don't get along as friends.
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