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male
,
anonymous
writes: I am interested in a woman at work who has given me cause to believe that she is interested in me as well. This has been going on for several months and I have specifically told her how I feel about her. There are definite feelings being shared and exchanged by both of us.The problem is, there are 3 or 4 others guys at work that she is really friendly with, and she openly shows interest or attraction towards them as well, even in a busy working enviornment. Sometimes she does this even in my presence. It seems to me like she is making no real attempts to hide her public interactions with these other gentlemen. I am not a jealous type, so I do not respond in a negative manner to her and these other guys. I am confident enough in myself that I simply ignore most of these displays between her and the other men. Plus, if my information is correct, these other men are married or attached in some way, and she is well aware of these men's marital status.However, when it comes to me, she is far less inclined to respond in an open manner, and makes it a point to constantly hide our relationship. I understand work is a professional environment, yet it seems to me that she goes far out of the way to "prove" that she and I are "not involved" when others are around. Basically, she ignores me when other people are around. When I am with someone she needs to talk to, she concentrates on that person and doesn't acknowledge my presence at all.The question I need help in answering is this. If she is openly friendly and flirtatious towards her other male workers, yet she keeps our relationship hidden from everyone else, does that mean she is more interested in me for the long term? Is she just having "fun" with the other men?I am not sure if this matters, but I am management and she is not. However, she does not work in my department and is not directly subordinate to me, although I do interact with her on a daily basis due to the way the working enviornment is structured.I would appreciate any thoughts you all might have on what she may be thinking or feeling.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2005): I am having the same problem from the woman's perspective and I can tell you I am doing the same. Apparrently flirting is quite normal and does not have to suggestive from a sexual point of view and as a nurse we often flirt with patients to put them at their ease. In my case it is a doctor and because we feel so comfortable with each other we confide things etc. he has never said in so many words as you have, so I don't really know if his interest goes beyond our working environment, but we both seem to play the game of being different around our colleagues than we are when we are alone although we have never kissed or hugged (but I would if I could!). So what do we do? I catch him staring at me, our eyes meet and smile, I look for excuses to talk to him, BUT at the same time I avoid going straight to him for everything, I don't say hello to him first, I pretend I haven't noticed him and look the other way. I do this because I am still married (just) and I would embarrass myself if I didn't keep this distance as it can be so overwhelming at times, and I am a grandmother!
A
female
reader, shania  +, writes (13 November 2005):
 This woman is a 1st class tease and loving every minute of it.If she really liked you she wouldnt be so aloof with you when in public and flirting with other men as well,COME ON thats not on.I would drop her like a red hot brick,sorry if i sound harsh but shes playing games with you.Go and meet another girl who will be quite happy to show you off and not be ashamed of your relationship,DUMP HER.
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