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female
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*ami
writes: My husband of 6 months suddenly became really good friends with a female bartender in our neighborhood bar near our summer cottage. When I went back home to work while he stayed there, they became better friends. He says that they are just friends and would never be more because he is married but I recently discovered several phone calls to her cell phone number throughout the summer months. Of course, he had excuses why he needed to call her. A couple of these calls were made while he had come home for a week to take care of household things. He never told me he had her number and when I would go into the bar with him, she would always ask me when I was going home. I could see a definite flirtation on her part. He says he loves me and would never trade me for anyone. I feel betrayed. What do you make of all of this?
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female
reader, Sami +, writes (18 November 2005):
I think that Pops might have a history of jealous girlfriends that makes him hostile towards female jealousy. But at the same time, most men give their mates a reason to be jealous with their flirting and sneakiness. Why can't they just be thankful for the wonderful women that they have been blessed with without screwing everything up?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2005): I would agree with the last reply- but I would tell your husband that he is putting himself in a situation that could easily lead to an affair. He should not be hanging around with a single woman if he is married.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2005): if he is not sleeping with her, he soon will be. turn the tables on him. find male friend, that is better looking then him. that will put him in your shoes.
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A
female
reader, shania  +, writes (13 November 2005):
 This woman is definately after your husband,whether your husband has done anything about it is another thing.It does seem strange that he calls her after working hours,he is probably flattered that she fancies him,but and its a big but,you got to be careful that he isnt having a affair with her,a woman's intuition is not usually wrong and if you got that gut feeling i would act on it.Now if that was me,i wouldnt be sitting at home twiddling my thumbs,i would turn up to his works,probably after closing time and catch them out,if they act suspicious or flustered then you will know! After that,you and your husband will need a heart to heart chat.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (13 November 2005):
 As always, Pops hits the board instead of the nail. Nobody calls their bartender's cell phone if it's just a friendly "local bar thing". And what's with the "When are you going home" thing. RED FLAG! Now since you have only been married 6 months maybe your husband hasn't really figured how marriages work. You need to explain to him the boundaries to his behavior. I don't think you need to feel betrayed...yet but until you get that puppy into training school he's going to keep thinking that way he behaved when he was single is still okay. Good luck and roll up that newspaper!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2005): Your husband needs a good talking to if you ask me. Making friends is fine, but whenever its with another woman... beware! The wife that watches this and accepts this is a fool, it may well be a friendship now, but leave it to develop and it surely will. Any husband mindful of his wifes feelings would not betray her in this way! And what type of woman creates a friendship with a married man?? Ask yourself that!
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A
reader, pops +, writes (13 November 2005):
I think you are making much about nothing. Men have friends, including women friends. I don't like his secrecy about calls to her, or any lies, but that may just be a response to your accusatory looks, and apparent jealousy and insecurity about yourself. He does not want to hurt you, or start another fight. People need other people who they can talk to about their marital problems, and bartenders get their fair share of customer complaints. Sit down with your husband for a frank discussion about your self doubts, and feelings of inadquacy. That is all that jealousy is. But it can be a real drain on any relationship if one party is always accusing the other of " cheating ". All relations need trust, but it has to go both ways. Other than talking to her to find out how to deal with you, I doubt there is anything else going on between your husband and the bartender. Give them both a break. If you are having emotional problems, seek professional help. I am sure your husband will join you at the counselor's office to talk about how these issues are affecting your marriage, and will want to find ways to settle them.
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