A
female
age
30-35,
*reak2013
writes:I am 22 years old and have been dealing with a major issue in my relationship with my son's father. I have been with him for 6 years and our son is 2 years old. A little over a month ago I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me. He is 29 and has been sleeping with an 18 y/o girl. The girl is our son's god parent's daughter. The first time I found out he cried and told me he was sorry. He kept sleeping with her after that. He even did it while I was in the hospital for four days.He was even bringing our son to do this. He either left him with her parents to get a hotel, or he was doing it in her bedroom while our son was in the living room with her parents. After I found out about a week ago that he was continuing the affair we had a huge fight and he left. He came back a few days later saying he promised me he would never do it again. Of course, being dumb I took him back. Well a couple of nights ago he told me he was working overtime on a night shift. I found out he was lying and actually spending the night with her. Once I told him I knew the truth he shut down ( like he always does) and refuses to talk about it. He kept trying to show affection when I confronted him for the third time that morning... Today he showed me a message she sent him. Saying he is her best friend and she loves himnand wishing him a happy new year. He says I shouldn't be mad because he was honest. i have been so sick for the past month over this and I have slipped in to a very deep depression. It has been really hard to focus on anything else. I don't understand him. He says he doesn't want to lose me and that he loves me, yet he stares me straight in the eyes and lies. I kicked him out, and he left without a word. He left twice and came back both times... He can live in her parents house with her for free if he wanted. He says he loves me, yet he won't leave her yet he always comes home... ? I don't know where this came from. We were having communication problems but he never showed signs of doing something like this. He has been in my position before he met me. I thought he would know better than this... I always catch myself making excuses for him like ''All of the men in his family cheat'' and ''he'll get tired of cheating and change'', etc.I really don't know what to do. I know I should leave but I can't stand the thought of leaving him and letting her take him. A small part of me is willing to let him cheat if that means I get to have a small part of him. We have a two year old together and I am not financially stable enough to leave him. I have been staying at home with our son since he was born. I could live with my father, but I really do not want to do that ( that is another story ). I have no other family and friends to stay with if I do leave....
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female
reader, Break2013 +, writes (6 January 2013):
Break2013 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo the other day we are sitting on the couch and I notice a hickey on his shoulder. I confronted him about it and he denied that it was a hickey. He is denying he is still having seeing the girl.
A
female
reader, Break2013 +, writes (3 January 2013):
Break2013 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI was 17
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2013): Honey. I think you should cut him loose. You actually forgave him and he does it again? No way. You are still young and have your entire life ahead of you. That other chick is no good. Cut them both out of your life. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (1 January 2013):
 If you've been with him for six years, then that means you were sixteen and him twenty-three when you got together?
How long has he been sleeping with her? Sounds to me like he has a thing for teenage girls and you no longer fit that bill. When this girl is no longer a teenager, he will throw her away and go find another one. What kind of parents will sit in the living room and babysit the son of a man while he is in the bedroom having sex with their teenage daughter?
This guy isn't even worth being classified as scum. You do need to find a way out f this relationship as soon as you can, because he is never going to stop cheating on you. This isn't good for you or your son
Living with your father may not be ideal, but it has to be better then what you have now, and it will help you get on your feet.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (1 January 2013):
 Lets focus on this, from our submittal:
"I don't understand him. " I'll help.....
He's a dog... not a soft, cuddly dog... but a lying, cheating dog..... YOU (and your son) will be far better off WITHOUT him in your lives..... and he can go off on his lying, cheating ways..... whilest you continue to attend to your life.... and the well-being of yourself and your son.....
Good luck..
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (1 January 2013):
 Hi
When you work on ways to improve your confidence in you will develop the confidence to do what is right for you. Right now he has worn you down. Abuse does not always result in bruises. Abuse can be psychological. which is what he is subjecting you to now.
Here is Code Warrior’s wisdom on Confidence:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-is-confidence-and-how-do-i-get.html
It's a step by step process to self Confidence
And your boyfriend will not stop cheating. He cheats because he can. He is convinced that you are broken and unable to stand up for yourself. This is the contempt of a bully.
So in the interim I am adding some links for you to read as each may give you some confidence to face the fact that help is out there.
http://www.heart-2-heart.ca/women/index.htm
- getting out of abuse situations
http://www.beyondaffairs.com/articles/oprah_show_on_cheating_husbands.htm
- cheating husbands
http://responsibledivorce.com/advice/misguided.htm
- misguided reasons to stay
http://womenshealth.gov/violence-against-women/get-help-for-violence/safety-planning-for-abusive-situations.cfm
safely getting out of a marriage
http://www.ehow.com/way_5769381_financial-moving-away-abusive-partner.html
getting financial support so that you can leave.
And this one just in case you want to familiarise yourself with the abuse cycle in an abusive relationship.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/the-honeymoon-stage-in-an-abusive-relationship-and.html
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A
male
reader, Pappa  +, writes (1 January 2013):
the strength is within you to deal with this - when you phone the help lines ask for help to find the strength within - as well as giving your son the best chance of a good life there is someone equally important, who has been with you through thick and thin and will always be there for you - i.e. you!phone the help lines and trust yourself - your feelings are there to guide and protect you and your son
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2013): While the teenager that your husband is having sex with is still living with her parents, it seems to me he's keeping his home with you as a safety net, he's having his cake and eating it.When the teenager gets fed up of him, he will find another sex partner. Clearly he's decided you are not enough for him, he also knows you allow this to happen. The girl and her parents as well as your man.. (and I use the term 'man' loosely) have no morals or thought for you or your son.Get rid noww or you'll live like this with him for ever and it will get harder to leave. If you go now while you and your son are young you will have a better chance of moving on.....you need to look at your partner clearly next time he comes through your door smelling of the young girl he's bedding....and see what a disgusting seedy litle pervert he is..he's not good enough for you or your son, he's a dirty selfish creature..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2013): The fact that all the men in his family cheat explains his behaviour, he grew up believing its normal for a man to have 2 women or more: the official one that you live with and have kids with, and another one who provides more fun and excitement. That's why he wont give her up and yet he wants you to stay. He wants BOTH of you. Let him cheat if it means you get to have a small part of him? Well if you really are so weak that you need this then go ahead. Its not your fault you're weak, he did this to you. Maybe continuing on like this will make you so miserable that eventually you will be ready to leave himIf you leave and she gets him that doesn't mean she won. It means she can have the trash you discarded. He will do the same to her. Think of it as he is her full time problem now. The way she wins is if you stay with him and he continues seeing her.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (1 January 2013):
 Look here, there are a number of help lines, and although most deal with domestic violence, find the one closest to you and call them. If they cannot help they should be able to refer you to people who can.
You need to work out a plan to get him out of your life, he is not good for you, or your child, find people who can help you on the first steps to building a good life for you and your child, a life where you are respected as a person and cherished.
http://www.feminist.org/911/crisis.html
Contact them today, ask if they can help you get established, and to help you get out of this situation. If they suggest a refuge, take it, if they suggest counselling, take it, whatever they offer take it, and start working on your exit plan. If it comes down to the only place you can go is your father's, unless he is going to bash you and damange your child, then go there on a temporary basis only while you sort your self out.
It's not going to be easy, but it will be a whole lot more uplifting supporting yourself and making your own decisions, than staying where you are with a miserable lying two timing cheating a/hole.
Do it for yourself and your child.
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A
female
reader, zanaya +, writes (1 January 2013):
He is not worth it just leave him and be a good rolemodel for your son. you don't want your son to treat woman like that do you? if not then leave his sorry ass and move on by taking care of your kid and growing up may help too that is you growing up with out his ass being there and puttin you in to depressiong if you die you thing she will take care of your kid NO! she will be sleeping with him without you there and your son will lose a mother so please think about your son and your self not a sexaddict horny man who cares about his penis and not son
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