A
female
age
30-35,
*armelliabrokenheart
writes:So..I have been dating with this guy for over one and a half year. He is 30s and I'm 20s. Age is not a problem for me as I love him and used to prefer mature guys. Basically he has quite a lot of affairs - around one every three months..anyways I survived..But in the recent half year, he started to doubt if I have other boyfriends. Whenever I went home late, hang out with my girl friends, didnt pick up calls (mostly fallen asleep or left my mobile in silent mode) etc, he accuses of dating other guys. He also looks down my work and stress. Sometimes I was too exhausted after work, he believes that I was actually 1)doing something else; 2)"acting pity".He is so sensitive to my facebook entries too, claiming what I write (e.g. complaint of missing bus) is a kind of flirt to guys....So I am so so frustrated.And - On his side, he is having an affair again. He likes that wealthy girl (who is actually in a relationship), and thinks that she's more "positive and happier" than me...This affair brings me nights of tears and horror dreams.What can I do to this situation?Thanks very much for your help anyways..
View related questions:
affair, facebook, flirt Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2012): Its a known fact that people who are cheating often project their guilt onto their partner, and this is usually in the form of accusing the partner that they are cheating too. This way it makes it easier to cope with their own guilt if they convince themselves that their partner is doing it too.
Also though, it sounds like he's getting paranoid because he knows that you may at any time cheat on him as revenge and that you have every right to, and he wouldn't know how to deal with it.
Honestly, he is the "Once a cheat always a cheat" type, and will never change.
I would kick his disrespectful a*se to the curb and find someone who knows the value of love.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (10 August 2012):
 what does he give you that makes you willing to put up with his behavior?
you must be getting something out of this relationship
he emotionally abuses you
he openly cheats on you
he doesn't respect you
he insults you
I think you need to gather your courage and leave him.
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (10 August 2012):
 Why are you still with this man? He treats you like complete garbage! I know it's sometimes hard to leave the worst relationships, but you deserve better than this man.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2012): I second No Nonsense Andy. Life is too short to stress over a guy. Just dump him. In fact, you'll be doing him a huge favour. I know it will be hard because you've bonded emotionally to him. But if there is still any ounce of reasoning left in your head, realize that you cannot have this guy all to yourself if he wants other women apart from you. You cannot give him what he wants, so might as well let him be & give yourself to a man that really wants you and only you. Hope this helps.
...............................
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (10 August 2012):
 Hello.
I am a bit confused. Your boyfriend seems to make little secret of his affairs. This suggests you have an open relationship, but it's clear that you don't have affairs and the thought of you doing so is driving him mad. Why is it OK for him to have affairs but not you? (I am not saying you shoukd have affairs, just pointing out the inequality of it all). And he sounds like he's rubbing this current affair in your face. What a pig.
It's clear to me that he is disrespectful to you and it doesn't sound like love. You are not happy. You are heartbroken and desperate.
I would advise you to leave him and move on. I don't think that's what you want to do or hear. But it's what I advise. The sooner you leave, the stronger you'll be. If you keep tolerating this it will make you more and more unhappy.
If you don't feel able to leave him I'm not sure what to suggest. He won't change. You've had 18 months of this already. How much more are you able to take?
...............................
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (10 August 2012):
The only thing you can do is either accept this situation as it is right now, or leave him! He’s not going to change. He’s a cheat, he doesn’t care about you. And he thinks that everyone else is like him. That’s the thing about people who cheat: they like cheating themselves, but they always fear that some-one else will do it back to them. Think about it: if you are good at lying, you’ll wonder if other people in your life are equally good at it. That’s why he keeps accusing you of cheating. It may be hard but you really do need to get out of this relationship.
I wish you all the very best.
...............................
A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (10 August 2012):
 Why are you with this idiot? Leave this loser so you're free to meet someone who'll treat you with love and respect.
...............................
|
