A
female
 ,
*nlyMe101
writes:I have been split from my ex-hub for 9 years now and have two children. I have had a few relationships which did not amount to anything but pain, and plunged myself into a career. This has had a major impact on my relationship with my kids who resent this greatly although they don't understand why. My parents have also fallen out with me because I cannot achieve a work life balance which is beneficial to all.I cannot seem to find that perfect man. There are so many around and yet all married. "Married" to me means hands off and there doesn't seem to be much else left! I always expected to meet someone at work, but as a manager, I am not allowed to date the staff! I have tried dating web sites and don't get any feedback, yet everyone tells me I'm attractive and sexy, successful and a good catch! I don't have the time or energy to go out - am I destined to become a very unhappy lonely old woman, despised by her two children??
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2006):
I dont see how you dating someone is going to help your children's feelings that they arent getting enough attention.
To get a better work/life balance, try volunteering your time to some organization. And at a building site you will meet a lot of men.
A
female
reader, ask aunty heather +, writes (1 January 2006):
firstly you havent allowed yourself time to get over your bad marriage. working hard is the coping mechanism you have employed to avoid facing the fact that its all over now. perhaps your children are a constant reminder of what you went through. you are blocking out the pain of the stressful break up by working yourself so hard that you dont have any time to think about things. go with the pain, have a good cry, its ok you arent super woman!
the thing is you are in a new place now both emotionally, spiritually and phisically. you need some time to realise where you are in those respects. allow yourself a bit of time alone to think about things.
you have to think about the life you want for yourself and your children. you are not there for them at the moment if you are at work all the time. theyve gone through the same traumas as youve been through and they are a valuable resource which can help you understand where your life is at the moment. you need to talk to them and explain how you are feeling and where you want to take your family life from here on in. how can they understand what you are doing if you dont talk to them?
you need to allow yourself time to heal before you even consider another relationship.
you need to look at downsizing your working life in order to accommodate yourself and your family. not spending time with them could scar them for life and theyll end up resenting you. im not denighing life as a single parent is hard in many respects.you are a single parent and have been for some time and you need to rejig and reasses your life in light of this!
when you are ready for a relationship a man will appear no men are perfect, just as no women are. perfect men dont live on some exclusive island or some mail order website that you can order them from. everybody has the potential to be good and bad...the secret is its how you relate to the other person that will determine whether the relationship is good or bad. dont go rushing into anything you need to form some solid friendships with men so you can get an idea of what you want and how men tick. if a relationship is based purely on how the other person looks or how much money they earn then its doomed from the start. its time to think about the past and put it behind you.think about where things went wrong for you in the past and make firm plans to take things in a different direction in the future.
you need to look for somebody whom you can live with. trusting a future partner will be an issue you have to deal with, so it might be a good idea to get some counselling now so you are prepared for what is to come.
to summise....get some counselling, think about managing your time more effectively at work and home. allow yourself some me time in that equation. when you are ready to have another serious relationship the right person will appear, however you have a long way to go yet. go out and meet people socially and have some fun. enjoy yourself some freedom from relationship worries. being a single gal can be fun , no matter what age you are...there are loads of us out there getting on with our lives.
there is nothing wrong with you because you are single, its a good place to be! just keep thinking you are a good catch, and realise the others you have met in the past didnt deserve you. there is some one out there who does, you just have to cross paths with him. the only way you can do that is to get out there and start living again.
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