A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So my sister in law cheated on my brother for two years and now she's pregnant but doesn't know who the baby's dad is. Great! I'm so mad at her I could hit her and mind you i'm not a violent person at all. I've never hit anyone out of anger in my entire life. Idk how to feel about the baby and she's almost due. I'm just looking for people to talk to about this mess because i can't talk to anyone else about it. I know it's not really my problem but it does affect my brother, nephew and niece. I love them so much i hate to see them hurt especially my brother. He loves this girl so much, he does everything for her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't say anything to my brother or my sister in law about this so i have been minding my own business but letting my brother know that i'm here if he needs to talk or needs anything at all. I'm not a confrontational kind of person that's why i came here i just wanted to talk to someone i guess. I feel bad for the baby i want to love the baby but i don't think i can till she's here which could be any day now. Yes my brother does know that she cheated on him and he's still with her. I think he's waiting for the DNA test to make a decision but i don't think he's going to leave her and that's fine by me if it's gonna make him happy. I know it's not the baby's fault which is why i feel bad for her. Like i said i'm not bad mouthing her i still treat her like a human being. I'm not a violent person either when i said that i could hit her i didn't mean i'd actually do it but sometimes when i think about it i really really want to but i would never. I'm such a chicken lol!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2013): Does your brother know that his wife cheated on him and doesn't know if she's pregnant by him or by her other boyfriend??
if your brother knows about it then it's none of your business and you should stay out of it and only ask him how he wants you to support him.
if he does not know, then you should tell him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2013): How are you so sure that your brother is really the father of their first child? She has already been cheating for two years, right? And that is just what you know about. Paternity fraud is wrong and keeping it a secret is wrong. No exceptions. Doing what is best for the child is telling everyone the truth. It WILL come out sooner or later; its only a question of when and how. As if this woman is going to stop cheating now if she gets away with this? She will do it again, he will eventually catch on, and probably start suspecting the paternity as the kids get older . . . and the truth will eventually come out. DNA tests cost less than a tank of gasoline these days.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (7 August 2013):
 Sooooo, your slut sister-in-law seems to be knocked up by who-knows-who.... and you want to "protect" your brother????
I suggest that you take brother aside and tell him "you know, Brother, that your wife is a SLUT.... and put out for who-knows how many guys in the last year???? .... and she is knocked up by one of them, and WHO KNOWS which one????
Are you dumb enough to endure her betrayal? Or, would you like to insist that you (and she) learn who provided the sperm for this upcoming birth???? ... AND, if it is not YOU, then would you like to reveal to the World that she is a WHORE who gives her body to whomever seems interesting at the moment????? .... AND, that you would like to take away from her the children who you KNOW that you spawned???? ..... and let HER go on her ways.... and YOU go on your way.... WITHOUT such a disgusting strumpet posing as your "wife".... when she is - in fact - a harlot, who has no respect for herself... never MIND that she has now respect for YOU??????
Does this help?????
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 August 2013):
 I understand your anger.
Does her husband know about the affair at all? If the affair partner looks at all like your brother, and he does not know he may never know...
Legally he will be the dad of this child because he is married to the mother. The truth is that babies who are adopted do not have a biological tie to their parents and may not even look at all like the parents but they are the parents. Parenting is not about DNA but about love and affection and connection. We can easily love and parent any child even if we are not biologically related to them.
When I married my last husband I also "married" his then 10 yr old daughter. I also had two sons of my own. I told her "Some babies grow in our bellies some grow in our hearts."
I am not saying your SIL is right to keep this from her husband but that is her choice and it's their marriage. IF he loves her so much and there are already two other children, either she has opted NOT to tell him or maybe she told him and he knows and it's HIS choice to accept the situation and love his child no matter what. And like I said while it may not be his DNA it is legally his child.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (7 August 2013):
 It's completely understandable that you would be angry and not really know how to approach this baby, but my hope is that you will treat this baby extra tenderly. Let's face it - this baby is coming into the universe being a catalyst for a lot of anger and hurt... what a lousy position to be born into. I think this baby is going to need more kindness and support than any of the rest of you. So I think that while you can be totally pissed at this lady (but try to bite your tongue), and devastated for your brother, I think the best you can do is to love this baby no matter who the Father is.
Like eyeswideopen said, you must be careful with your approach with his wife, because they could work things out and he could remain married to her. Support your brother, and don't say or do anything you will regret later. Only punch her in your imagination! :)
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 August 2013):
 The only way to know 100% is to do the DNA test once the child is born. However, I don't know which state they are in, but in some states CHILDREN born into a marriage are ASSUMED to be the husband's (legally).
As for the baby... It's a baby, you can love it, whether it;s your brother's or not. It didn't CHOOSE to be created or born.
Your SIL, well I think this issue is between your brother and her and even if it causes ripple effects through out the family, it's really not your beeswax.
I'd say support your brother and the kids - not financially but emotionally. If he needs to talk, listen. If the kids need their auntie, be there.
It's a mess when people cheat, even bigger when there are kids involved. :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2013): I had a child from an affair. I love this child and so does my husband. She is almost 4 and is the joy of our life and her older brother. It is not the child's fault. Please do not take it out on the baby. All babies deserve to be brought up in a loving, caring and supportive environment. The difference is no one in our families know that she is a "love" child. The reason we decided not to tell people is for the exact reason you are going on about. My husband was hurt deeply. I gave him the decision to walk away. That I would take care of her. He made the decision to stay. He made the decision to be a family. He is her dad. He is the one who takes care of her. She is a daddy's little girl. My husband treats her like his own DNA. Oh and DNA is not everything. There are lots of children that have been brought up this way. It is not for you to pass judgment on their family or her. That is up to your brother to do what he feels is necessary. Don't get me wrong. I totally understand your feelings but that is not for you to voice them. It will affect your brother, nephew and niece. They love this woman, you will only look bad. Every child is here for a reason. Every child is a gift. I'm grateful for my gift and she is a blessing to this family. Your brother will choose to be the father or not. But let him decide. This world is hard enough. We need to support the baby. All babies.I have gone through enough of my own guilt and suffering. I didn't mean for this to happen. I didn't mean to hurt my husband. But we both have taken responsibility in our parts for our past and our future. We feel lucky to be bless with her in our future. We wouldn't want it any other way!I would be happy to answer any of your questions. Let me know.Good Luck! and be kind.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (7 August 2013):
 Well if you want to stay a part of your brother's family life you will need to back off and let them settle this matter between themselves. Give your brother all the support he needs but if he decides to stay with his wife you'll have to get along with her as well.
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