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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: My brother just told me he's gay. He said it took 7 years to feel comfortable to say it. I'm the first person(outside of his school therapist) he told. I have some questions about this. I'm not sad or angry. I believe he should be who he is. I'm worried for him because of our situation. We are Middle Eastern and the older members of our family will have issues with him when he decides to come out to everyone. He's 18. I want him to be happy and will defend him if anyone tries to speak down on him. He's my little brother and I love him. I wanted to ask if its normal for me to feel shell-shocked right now because he used to be secretive with everyone until last year and now is very close to me. He told me at 3 AM last night. This hasn't changed my perception of him but its quite a part of his image I have to change in my head now so I can see him as who he is. Was my reaction ok? I hugged him when he told me and he cried and I said it was going to be fine. I feel like I need to talk to someone else besides him and my therapist about this. Maybe for someone to tell me he'll be ok or that these feelings I had when he told me were natural. He plans on telling our parents in a few months and I'm very scared for him because they are liberal and have gay people in their lives(friends, coworkers) but I don't know how they would react to family. P.S. (I'm the annoying poster who used to post about my troubles with getting laid and why no girl liked me). Hi again
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (17 January 2016):
 It's going to take time, and given the religion of things (you said you were middle eastern? Does that mean your family is Muslim?), there may be a few people who never come around, but there will be many more who will surprise you with their open-mindedness and open hearts.
My husband's brother came out as gay to his family, which was very conservative Christian (as was mine), and it took years for people to calm down. Everyone still loves him, and while most have accepted him as he is, others accept "him" but are uncomfortable with his being gay, so they treat it like a "don't ask don't tell".
People have relaxed to the point of his inviting boyfriends over and there's no shouting or freakouts.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2016): He will receive mixed reactions and your parents have had exposure to gay people. It's different when it hits home; but don't forget one thing. They love him too. I am a gay man, and grew up in a very religious bi-racial family. I have older brothers who were very athletic in school, burly and macho. My parents are kind and very religiously conservative people. They were very tolerant and accepting people; but my mother died when I was in my teens. I was never able to come out to her. I did come out to my dad. He was great. In fact, all my siblings are great about it.
Being Middle Eastern, but now living in the U.S.; you and your family have been influenced by differences you may have adjusted to that are quite different from what your culture accepts. Like tight fitting clothing on women, with uncovered heads in public. You adapted to the changes and so will your family to the news. There will be those with conservative religious ideologies that will not embrace the fact he is gay, but they will still love him.
You handled it most lovingly and graciously; and I commend you. He knows you will be there in his corner no matter what. If you can handle it, others will follow suit. It just may take more time for older individuals to digest such news. It always takes the older generation time to accept differences from how they've been reared by their parents, the influences of your culture, and how they've been religiously educated.
Love has a very strong effect. It's a great buffer. Although, he must be prepared for the worse case scenario.
Some will reject him, but you both cannot allow that to get in your way. You are there for him, and he is being very courageous. He should take his time; so he can absorb their reactions. He doesn't have to confront the rejection, just deal with it as a reality. Everyone cannot, and will not, accept his homosexuality. Don't worry. As he matures, he will handle it with unbelievable courage; and deal with the negative reactions that come with the realities of being who we are. If you show your support, some will come around realizing that homosexuality is just a part of who he is; not all of who he is. He is the same young man they knew before being told he is gay.
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