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My brother is reacting badly to the divorce -- how can I help?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Family<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 April 2013) 2 Answers - (Newest, 11 April 2013)
A male United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I was hoping I could get some advice on helping my brother deal with divorce. He separated 2 weeks ago, but he is worrying our whole family. He seems like he has lost all hope and all his will power. We have been talking as much as we can and making sure he always has company, but he is to the point where he is risking his high level job by calling in and staying home to get drunk.

We worry because he has taking it to extremes to the point where he chugs liquour like water. He has been constantly crying and has extreme negative thoughts. We have tried everything to cheer him up, but nothing seems to get thru to him. If anyone has been thru this before i would appreciate it if i could get any tips or ideas. I know this takes time to heal, but like i said, he is becoming a threat to himself.

His ex keeps texting and being rude to him. She seems to be mocking him in a way and my brother does nothing to stop it. He just keeps moping around and crying.

He is 33 by the way. and he had been married to his wife about 8 months, but had dated and lived with her for about 8-9 years.

any advice is appreciated. Thanks

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (11 April 2013):

So_Very_Confused agony auntIF he is becoming a danger to himself, if he is suicidal (and chugging alcohol like that is suicidal as folks will DIE from too much alcohol in their system) then he needs to be in a safe place.

If you are truly worried for his safety then he may need to be in a hospital (yes a psych ward) to work through this crisis. there is no crime or harm in this....

he can self-commit so that it's not an involuntary commitment. This could be as short as a few days to a few weeks if he's truly a danger and they want to start meds and see how he reacts.

fastest way to do this is go to an emergency room if you do not have a family doctor that could help you get him in a safe place.

HIS ex sounds like a piece of work...together 9 years married a mere 8 months and now she left and is torturing him?.... can you get to his phone and block her number? block her on social media and email.

then if she needs to deal with something related to the divorce she can either contact his attorney or a family member that's intervening...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2013):

Rather than risk his job, can he take a leave of absence?

Try to talk him into getting professional help. Don't let him alone and if he has guns, take them. If you can control or limit his drinking do it. If you really feel he is a threat you can have him committed.

I know how helpless it feels watching someone you love go through this. I lost my brother who suffered from depression and turned to alcohol.

He is lucky to have you, my prayers are with you.

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