A
male
age
41-50,
*avid5
writes:I would like to ask for an advice. I’m having a problem with my brother. He's two years older than me and he’s constantly interfering in my relationships with women. Actually it started already when I first started to date girls, but now this behavior of his is very troublesome. As brothers we share a close bond, we’re not only brothers but best friends as well. I love him deeply, but I hate him messing with my life. He always finds a fault with all my girlfriends. No girl that I’ve been together with has ever been good enough for him. When I start relationships with some girl, I usually introduce her to my family, also to my brother. Later I ask what does he think about her, because his opinion is important for me and he’s always like „look at her, a simple slut.” Then he tries to convince me that she’s no good to me. And that’s how it happens always. It seems that he does all he can to end everything between me and her. With the girl I like he’s very impolite and even rude. This eventually creates conflicts between me and her and so my relationships are never long lasting. One of my ex-girlfriends told me that when we were all together at the party and I was gone for a while, my brother has told her that she’ll be with me only over his dead body. She said he does it because he wants me for himself, but that’s ridiculous, we’re brothers after all. If he would be gay, I would know that. We always tell each other everything. I’ve asked him why is he doing this. Once I even got very angry with him and he kind of cuddled up to me and tried to calm me down. He says he only wants the best for me and I deserve someone who would really love me. Also I don’t really understand how can he judge those girls like that because I’ve never seen him having a girlfriend, not even once. I know he cares about me and everything, but why does he think that the girl that I’ll be together with, won’t love me for real?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2012): Its wonderful that you have such a strong bond with your brother and that you love and care for each other's well being. However, you are both grown adults and it's time to cut the cord in a sense. Not your relationship or your bond, but breaking away enough to have a life of your own and a relationship and future family of your own if that's the direction you want to go.
What your brother's thinks is important to you, but you have to stand up and protect the women you are in a relationship with or this cycle will never be broken. This is very much like a possessive mother and the damage they can cause in a son's relationship if he doesn't make his own decisions and is too heavily persuaded by what she thinks and wants for him. You need to be confident, listen to what your brother says, but do what YOU think is best and not cave into the things your brother does to try and sabotage your relationships. Maybe you need to take more time before you introduce the special girl to the family and spend less time with them when you are together until YOU alone are sure you want the relationship to go further or you realize on your own it's not the girl for you.
Cosidering your brother has not had any relationships of his own at his age speaks volumes...he may be a great guy and all but he doesn't have experience to be dictating or knowing best what it right or not for you. There is some underlying jealousy going on with your brother. It is his problem, but you are making it yours too. You are also allowing this to happen. You can clearly see what the problem is, but you continue to allow it to happen. You need to get a bit of a backbone, sets some boudaries with your brother and he needs to respect them.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 October 2012):
 "She said he does it because he wants me for himself, but that’s ridiculous, we’re brothers after all."
No, it's not ridiculous. Your brother doesn't want you romantically, of course! He's not gay, but you've misunderstood what your ex meant. Your brother is territorial of you, much like some mothers can be of their sons. No one is ever good enough, because at the end of the day they don't want you to go on and live your life. Because that means you'll stop hanging out with them so much, they'll see less of you. You might move away, you might have a family of your own, and they are selfish enough to not want you to be happy while they aren't.
Your brother is single, no? Aha, I wrote that before I continued reading this: "Also I don’t really understand how can he judge those girls like that because I’ve never seen him having a girlfriend, not even once."
Exactly. I am correct. Your brother is single. That is why he also wants YOU to be single. He's lonely, and can't get a girl on his own. So he is jealous of you when you get a girl, and he wants you to spend time with him, and not a girl. So he does everything he can to break the two of you up.
Next time you find a girl keep her to yourself and don't introduce her to your bother. You broher is selfish. He doesn't care what's best for you, he only cares about himself. Anyone who wanted the best for you would want you to be happy with a girlfriend that you love, not try to break you up when he doesn't even know her.
Your brother is selfish and only wants you for himself. That's why he does this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2012): Well it looks like he has attachtment issues and it could cause troublesome problems especially with the kind of bond you two have.I'm no one to judge but the last part really got to me its sounds like he is in love with you in a bro mance way. If you settle you gys wont have the same time to spend with eachother. He is having trouble of letting go and facing reality. You two are adults now and has come a time where one has to take there own road and not intervene in anyones love life. He sounds obsessive. You should really make time and talk to him also think about going to a family counsler so the dispute could be settled in a more professional matter.In all you deserve to be happy and be with the person you love, no one not even family have that power to destroy that. Hope i helped in some way i wish you the best of luck! (:
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