A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My problem is too complicated to explain here, so I've simplified it a bit...I'm 17, my brother in 14. He is out of control. He gets in trouble with the police, he grafittis, he has been expelled from school, and he's just generally abusive, especially to me and my mum, who he is stronger than and can really hurt when he hits. My parents can't control him at all, although they really do their best. It's breaking my heart to see what the situation is doing to them. My dad has heart problems and the stress is making everything much worse, and my mum tells me that she is worried that he could have another heart attack and die. She cries all the time. I wish there was something I could do, because my parents are wonderful people and they really don't deserve this.I've tried talking to my brother, but he hates me and won't listen. We've tried counselling (he won't go); we've tried asking him what's wrong.Please, any suggestions would help- I can't bear all the fights and arguments at home any more, it's really getting me down. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2007): You don't sound like you want help for you and your family as you wouldn't see a problem with everything we suggested. You haven't even explored these avenues so you give up?
You need to talk to someone and not give up for the sake of your family. You want to heal and get strong...then start speaking up.
Family rows...I liked how you downplayed it after saying how unstable and abusive your kid brother is; did he learn this from Mom and Dad? Is this why you think it is normal that the police would go...we don't care?
I know it's hard to change an attitude after it has been instilled for so long...but you have a chance to get strong and get help.
Call the line and ask for help.
Best Wishes.
A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (25 January 2007):
 Chick, this is more than a few family rows and you know it. Maybe social services can do absolutely nothing but I think speaking to them in confidence would help you out no end. They legally have to help anyone who asks for it. Area is irrelevant. If you don't have a school counsellor try ringing childline (I know you're 17 but your brother is a child and they might be able to put you in touch with some organisations that can help further The number for childline is 0800 1111
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWho should i speak to? My school doesn't have counsellor. I live in one of the worst areas of london- bourgh social services have a lot more to worry about than stupid family rows. I don't go to church. There is noone i can ask for help.
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A
male
reader, Bigryan0301 +, writes (25 January 2007):
Omg same thing but im 12 my bros 18 and my dad has knee and other problems but my bro isnt as bad but he is abusive try to fight back...He hits you kick him in the balls or call the cops for aubuse
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A
male
reader, Bigryan0301 +, writes (25 January 2007):
Omg same thing but im 12 my bros 18 and my dad has knee and other problems but my bro isnt as bad but he is abusive try to fight back...He hits you kick him in the balls or call the cops for aubuse
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2007): He may have a disorder of sort...mental/personality. He may be influenced by drugs.
Have a counsellor come to the home. Have an in home assessment done.
Tough love is in order and I say the next time he hits and verbally threatens anyone...call the police.
It is clear your parents are not able to handle him so I say let the authorities do it.
Intervention is needed.
Have you thought to speak to a school counsellor or Church counsellor?
Something can be done and it needs to be done ASAP.
There will be way too much sorrow, guilt, and grief should your baby bro get to intimidate and bully you and your parents around to the point Dad my suffer another attack and/or die.
Affirmative action...now.
Best Wishes and let us know how things fare.
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (24 January 2007):
Talk to your parents about this but why not ask the police to scare it out of him? Theyre usually perfectly open to a little scaremongering among wayward teens. They can threaten to arrest him without having any intention of doing so just to try and straighten him out. Or you could have them arrest him for real and get it knocked out of him that way. Apart from that social services might be able to help. They're in the phone book and you can probably call them in confidence and ask about options.
CD
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (24 January 2007):
 I don't know what kind of programs they have in your country, but in the U.S., they have boot camps for kids that are out of control. You might be able to arrange for him to be sent to one of these places for a while to straighten him out.
Somewhere along the way, he has gotten the upper hand. It's time your parents, or someone else shows him who the boss really is.
Good luck!
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