A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear kind soul out there,I want to overcome the sadness that is haunting me for almost 7 years now. I just felt I need someone to tell to ease the pain. It started when I was 18 years old in August, 2002. I live on the 5th floor apartment with my parents and younger sister. My elder sister and brother in law, Alan live on the 7thfloor apartment with parents in law and their 1 year old son. I usually preferred to stay at home on Saturday and one day, he came to pay me a visit to talk. As usual, I greeted him nicely since no one is at home and watched TV. He asked me questions like," do you want to be a real woman. I can teach you." I didn't reply him and brushed off with an awkward laugh. He ask me to give him a kiss and I give him a peck on the lip. I didn't seduce him as I only regarded it as brotherly kiss. Later, when I want to go to toilet, he just went into my parent room and started to fall on me. As he is so heavy and I'm petite, I just fall down on the bed. He insisted he wanted to teach me to be a real woman. I was feeling very numb and freeze when he closed his eyes and smiled. He seemed to fantasize penetrating on me with his pants zipped on and I felt something hard below me. Later on, he tried to take off my T-shirt and squeezed my left breast. I hold his left hand when he tried to pull off my bra and looking on his forehead. I begged him to have lunch now since it's noon time a few times (my hands are shaking as I'm typing now).He stop. He went off to the front door and I quickly open the door for him to walk up to his home. Feeling shocked, I went to change my clothes and have lunch with my sister and pretended nothing is wrong. I tried to pretend nothing is wrong but in the end, I couldn't hold it anymore. I told my father what happen and he asked me whether I wanted to beat him up. I said no because I'm afraid my elder sister will commit suicide. My mother thought I seduced him by wearing sexy clothes. My mother only believed me after a week (brother in law had a fierce argument regarding family issues-nothing to do with me)and to solve the problem, she moved into a new area. My younger sister told me that he did tried to molest her when she was 9 years old. When she rejected her, she throw glasses and he threatened to slap her. At that time, I was only 13 years old and I didn't understand what happen. Both of us are victims of sexual molestations but my younger sister managed to move on with her life. As for me, I'm still feeling hurted and betrayed. He was very kind to me when I was 7 years old and I felt betrayed that he molested me and my sister. I had a poor relationship with my elder sister since this incident and we never talked much. Her husband backstabbed me and said a lot of bad things about me to the point ... I lost my sisterly love. I did have 2 weeks depression and I thought of commiting suice. I'm grateful that didn;t take my own life until now.Although I had graduated with degree,I did not establish close relationship with male and I unconsciously avoided boyfriend. I was very devastated as I resented Chinese New Year dinner and ate with him. I did not press charges against my brother in law because I have no evidence,I couldn't exactly remember the date of the incident and my family asked me to forget the whole incident.My grandma and uncle didn't believe me. It took me a big chunk of courage to tell you. What should I do to move on with my life? Rachel M
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bra , move on, moved in, petite Reply to this Question
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 April 2010):
 It's not your fault. It's always hot in Malaysia and you don't cover up as much as we do. At least your dad believes you. Confide in him. Molest among family is more common than you think. It happens all over the world. Even families in the liberal west have problems admitting something wrong and fail to protect their children. Think about what type of family you are having if your sister in law would commit suicide because she can't face the truth? Simply stop going to family functions. You live two lives. I really doubt your extended family really cares who you are and what you do in life rather than it's a family gathering and we are all supposed to be there. Your dad can make up excuses as to why you can't go.As to how to rebuild your relationships with men, I found an old post to be very helpful for your situation.http://www.dearcupid.org/question/should-i-be-in-this-relationship-when-i.html
A
male
reader, vospie  +, writes (6 April 2010):
 Your brother-in-law has been terribly behaved. It is not your fault. You just tried to be a sister with him and he took advantage of your youth and physical weakness, compared to him. Try not to dwell on things you could have done differently when you had no chance of overcoming this oath. However, you are not going to feel any better seeking some legal retribution. That will tear everyone's life apart and you will be blamed or feel to blame. This was 7 years ago and you have made it known to everyone. They should be supporting you and you should have someone you can talk to so they can rally behind you when you want to bad-mouth that man that gave you such a bad memory. They are making you feel alone if you cannot rely on them to confide in so talk to someone you can trust some more.
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A
female
reader, missps +, writes (6 April 2010):
this is sick and the fact you was kind of gettin the balme sickes me. i think you should talk to someone about it and when you do get a male friend dont let him walk all over you and remember not all men are the same. :) xxx
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