A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My sister just found out that my brother in law cheated. I was floored!! I have always looked to them as the "ideal" couple. They were so in love with each other. you know, the annoying couple that never leaves the honeymoon stage!! They have 2 beautiful girls and I have not a clue what I should feel. I am hurt and upset, but feel I don't have a right to be. It is not my marriage to mourn, but I am extremely sad. My sister is a very strong woman, but she is falling apart and there is nothing I can do. He started the affair while she was pregnant with their youngest daughter and it continued for 6 months. I have always looked at him as the "perfect" man, if there is such a thing. He has always been wonderful to her and even though I am angry with him, and want to know how he could hurt her, I do still love him. I am just really confilcted and have no idea how to help them. I hope that they can move past this, forgive and heal and be happy again. Although I know it will never be the same. They are soul mates, even if he temporarily forgot that. I can't help but hope that they survive it together. Because I think despite it all, he is a good man that loves her...just made a terrible mistake.Maybe I just needed to vent, but I have never dealt with any type of infidelity personally thank God! So I am just looking for ways that I can try to support them, without makin either of them feel like I am taking sides. It seems to be a very touchy matter.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Susan Strict  +, writes (21 April 2008):
 You said it all. You think he is a good man who made a bad mistake. We all make mistakes, although not all so potentially destructive as he did. Your sister needs all the support she can get, and of course you can do it without taking sides.
Don't hold back on letting your emotions show. I can't put words into your mouth, but if something like "I love you both and want you to be part of our familiy forever" works (followed by tears??) then let it out in front of both of them. Your love, the love of a sister and sister-in-law, is a powerful force. Use it.
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