A
female
age
36-40,
*herlvzpink
writes:Hi its been just over 2 months now since my boyfriend broke up with me and am still a complete and utter mess i dont know how to go on without him i still dont fully understand his reasons he made out he wanted be single but am sure hes with someone else now and he said he couldnt give me the attention i deserve etc i just dont know how to cope with it anymore we were together nearly 4 years n i loved him so much i cant forget bout him at all every day i am hit with that horrible feelin like a ton of bricks when i wake up and i cant stand it. Has anyone got any advice ? or helping words ? x
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female
reader, cherlvzpink +, writes (13 March 2011):
cherlvzpink is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone yeh people keep saying to me time will help but it hasnt yet and am still very distraught bothers me as hes obviously not otherwise he would be back here. he broke up with me a few days after Christmas so I feel your pain their not a nice new year had by me at all. I have been on a few dates but unsure am capable of a new relationship when I am still in so much pain from this.
A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (13 March 2011):
I'm so sorry. Having gone through painful breakups before, I know how painful it can be, and how hard it can be to move on, even when you want to. I can only give you some advice that might make things a little easier and maybe move you forward a bit. 1) Distract yourself from thinking about him as much as you can. If you find yourself thinking about him, call up some friends, watch a tv show, clean, start a project. 2) Force yourself to go out and have fun. It might not start out as fun, but you might find yourself enjoying yourself after a bit. So sign up for some dance classes or hit up the gym. Have weekly movie or dinner nights with friends. Go clubbing. 3) Do something new. I always feel like after a break up I need to get a haircut and change my style. It's my way of thinking: if I look different, maybe I will feel different. New look, new outlook on life, etc. It also boosts the confidence level, maybe attract some admirers as well. Whatever you do, don't call him, don't talk to him, and don't stay at home thinking about him. Moping and thinking about what happened will never give you any real answers and it isn't productive. It will only stretch out how long you spend mourning the relationship. Just work on enjoying yourself and life again, and get into a rhythm/routine of being without him (which is very difficult after being used to having him there). You'll find that after awhile, you can still be happy without him. Good luck and best wishes.
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A
female
reader, anaciah  +, writes (13 March 2011):
Take it slowly dear only time will tell just keep urself bussyTry nt to think abt him a lot remember to take deep breaths it also helpsGood luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2011): I had something similar happen, only of course the relationship was much shorter. Really, the best thing to do is to move on. I was miserable for months after the break up. I listened to music, journaled my feelings and went to therapy for a while. One thing she told me to do was to remember to breathe. Take deep breaths for 10 seconds and let them out. Whenever you're stressed, or upset, this could really help. Music really helped, and crying is okay, too. You can get those feelings out. Also, seeing other guys could help, too. Maybe nothing serious, but just getting back out there can help out a lot. Or, at least ,get with some of your friends. I hate to say it, but you'll probably never forget him. The hurt feeling will get less and less every day until it's gone, but for now you need to do something else to forget about it. Hope that helps!
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A
male
reader, jay07800 +, writes (13 March 2011):
go out with friends keep your mind occupied as danielepew said give it time time is the biggest healer! i know its hard but there are plenty of others that would take hes place youl be fine get out and about
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2011): I know what you are going through. My BF left me after 4 years and it was on Xmas! So imagine my pain. But, we are on March now and time has given me somewhat peace.I cried many nights and days and there are some in which I still cry, but i have understand that what's not for us is not good at all. I'm going to the gym, being busy at work, going out with friends not necessarily to party, but to hang out with people and listen what they hab to say about life. There are many people in worst situations than me.Give it time, but especially to yourself. Don't look at his pictures, try to avoid him, do not call him (this one is ver hard) but it is the best. Good luck and we shall prevail! :-)
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (13 March 2011):
 My advice is, give it time. Do things you enjoy without going wild. Make it your thing to forget the guy. One fine day you will wake up very happy and won't be in such pain.
Take care.
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