A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend's sister and niece live with him. He is so sweet to help her out because she is in college and a single mom and just trying to make it in this world. Well guess what? I am a widow who gets $126.00 a month for my son, I have 2 jobs, a nice house, receive absolutly zero help from any government programs such as medical and daycare, and here's the other kicker, she's 1 day older then me. She's a good student... better be since she has no stress and I also found out she's only taking 1 phyc class and the rest is art appriciation and fun courses like that. I don't really feel comfortable going to his house when she is there and I'm not allowd to spend the night because she doesn't want her daughter to see "Uncle" having a woman over night. I have strong morals too, and have already told him the next man I live with will be my husband. We want to get married someday soon, but it looks like his sister is going to be in the household for quite sometime. Am I wrong for letting this bother me? I don't really want to live with another woman. I am very dominant as the homemaker, and when we are newly weds, I don't really want her around all the time. I suppose I am jealous because I feel like I am dating a married man, and he does say how he needs to spend some time with them or little coments like he's gonna sneak over to my house when the girls go to bed. I love him so, so much and I don't want this to be in our way, but I know if I say something he will be devastated to learn that I want them out of the immediate picture and he might even choose to break up with me. I would rather live with them till the niece is 18 (which is in 12 years) than lose who I feel is my soulmate. I am 27 years old and have had several relationships and have never been so happy or in love. I am so lost on how to deal with this that I just keep praying God will help me genuinely like his sister and not be jealous of her and want to be rid of her. HELP!!
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male
reader, somewhat_anonymous +, writes (6 September 2007):
It is not selfish of you. But why would you have to wait until the niece is 18? How many years of college does his sister have left? He really should at the very least put that down as her "move out" date. Otherwise, she'll never learn to fend for herself. And when do you plan on getting married?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2007): As a single woman looking at that situation I wouldnt marry a man and take on his family like that. The sister is old enough to get out on her own child and all. If she is forced to then she will have to do it. She can quit school and get herself together as an adult then go back after she has established herself. No married couple should have ANY long term house guests during their first year of marriage. It truly does make things difficult. You are a woman on her way and have done so much for yourself. You do not need the added stress or your hard earn cash to help feed three others. Tell him how you feel and ask him what his LONG TERM thoughts are on his sister and your relationship. It is better to know early one rather than everything get broken off days before a wedding.
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