A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend's family hate me, and I can't pretend like it doesn't bother me anymore. He has asked me to ignore their comments but after two years, I think I have waited long enough!I met my boyfriend while he was still in a relationship with the mother of his child, but we didn't start seeing each other until almost a year later. My ex played on the same local football team as he did, so we became friend's sort of. When his relationship ended, my relationship was all but over, and we ended both within a month of each other. It wasn't until about 6-7 months later I saw him in town with his daughter. I helped him out with her as he was doing some shopping. We chatted, and not long after he asked me out for a drink.We started seeing each other after a few weeks and of course everyone decided we were cheating on our ex partners, but we weren't! It was purely innocent and nothing happened before that.After two years, people have stopped accusing us of such, even his ex girlfriend and I have become friends of sort. It's his parents who refuse to accept me. I'm ok with them not liking me in private as I don't like them either, but they constantly make comments whenever I am around, things like I'm a home wrecker, I ruined my boyfriends life, I should clear off before I do anymore damage....My boyfriend hates it and has spoken to his parents about it, but nothing seems to stop them. We have decided to stop seeing his parents as its not healthy for us or his daughter but it's also not healthy for her never to see her family together. I don't want to hurt my boyfriend or his daughter but I truly can't take anymore of these nasty comments. Should I just let it go and tell my boyfriend I will just stay away from their family events or should I keep my foot down?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2014): Never give up
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2014): We frequently get these posts about parents being nasty to girlfriends, boyfriends, and new spouses. If there was a cure, it would be on the market and make billions.
My dear, his parents are of an old-school of thinking; and you just have to have a thicker skin. If you buckle under; because people throw brickbats at you, they'll just keep throwing. Hiding is admission of guilt. They think insults will finally wear you down.
The key to your being treated better is in the hands of your boyfriend. They are "his" parents, and they don't get to choose who he decides to be with. It's none of their plucking business. Even if you were a home-wrecker; he opened the door, and invited you in! How come he doesn't get a dose of all this? Where is he when they're spewing all this venom?
It's bullsh*t that he can't make them treat you properly!!!
He's being a wimp about it and hiding in the neutral-zone; because he'd rather they vent on you, then spurge their anger on him. He wants to stay on their good-side to use them when necessary; and he lets you take all the flack.
You had better toughen up, and tell them you're tired of their insults; and you plan to stick around as long as their son will have you. Whether they like it or not. You'd rather get along; but if they don't want to, that's their problem.
No, you don't have to come to their home; if they don't offer you welcome. Treat them respectfully and kind, if they come to yours. Especially, when the child is there. If they speak out of line, throw them out. The heck with your boyfriend.
However; you need to place more pressure on your boyfriend to stand his ground, and stop leaving you to be slaughtered by his parents. Your problem is a lack of your own backbone to insist your boyfriend calling off the dogs, and putting them in their place. Depending on whose home they're at.
Keep your cool under their roof. Hold your tongue and choose words carefully.
If you don't insist that he stand-up for you; then cower away from them. You're waiting for backup, it doesn't seem to come. Let them send you nothing but their ill-will and hate.
Eventually they'll see you're not going anywhere, and get tired of themselves. They sound like ignorant people anyway to behave so badly. I just can't understand how any man with balls and a backbone would allow his parents to treat you that way. It just doesn't make sense.
We don't get to hear their side, and we have to trust what you've told us is true.
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