A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend goes to lap dancers clubs often with his mates.He says he goes there for the girls.I told him I do not like it that he pays these women, I do not like him going there, as I see it as his way of ogling young women in nudity, he has obsessions with younger women.we are in our forties.He says his mom (he is Danish) and brothers think that it is perfectly acceptable for him to go to lap dancer clubs and also talk to women in wine bars and they tell him to finish with me.He accuses me of being overly jealous and says that his family call me too jealous and unreasonable.he says in the last 5 years he has been there 5 times.He says that he is honest about his outings and other men lie.Am I unreasonable??I told him some people may be ok with this but I am not, that is my opinion.
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female
reader, OhGetReal  +, writes (16 February 2011):
 He is in the wrong he is very self centered and has little empathy for your feelings. Those are constructs of his personality of his character. A person's character is unchanging. Big surprise his family behaves like he does..have you heard the Apple doesn't fall far from the tree? Well it's true. A manipulation tactic is to throw your feelings back in your face by globalizing the problem
.Other men to and lie about it. This is how he takes no responsibility for his life bad behavior and now makes this about you. Pretty neat trick. If you think about this you will see how he manipulates you on a lot of things.
Ask yourself if you want to be with a man of low character who takes no responsibility for himself and isn't thinking about you or your feelings.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): You ARE being reasonable. You should offer to accompany him to one of these places to see what goes on there. I doubt he would agree to it. That would confirm your suspicions.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (13 February 2011):
 No you sound totally reasonable-it's your boy that sounds "out there'If you were giving lap dances to anon males in dimly lit bars would he approve/ i thought not.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2011): Why dont you start going to place like that except have it be male stipers or some thing like that and see how he reacts. If hes jelouse to then you also have every reason to be when he gos out so then he can say you are being to jelouse if he gets jelouse when you do it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2011): Why dont you start going to place like that except have it be male stipers or some thing like that and see how he reacts. If hes jelouse to then you also have every reason to be when he gos out so then he can say you are being to jelouse if he gets jelouse when you do it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2011): I wouldn't be happy either. I think you need to have a proper discussion with him and tell him why you don't like it.
He needs to respect your feelings about this.
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