A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am feeling upset and that my boyfriend doesn't care about me because he has forgotten some things which have been important to me. I love him so much but I feel like I am getting little in return at times. I am starting to worry that he has a medical problem because the degree of his forgetfulness at times astounds me and yet other times he will remember things from ages ago that I would have thought he had forgotten. Several months ago I went to into hospital for some tests which involved a minor procedure/op. I told my boyfriend about it the night before I went in. I didn't expect/want him to come along because he lives a very long way away and my mum came with me anyway, but on the morning of the procedure I had hoped for a good luck message but none arrived. That evening he asked me what I had been doing that day. I told him and he told me had forgotten about it! I was speechless - is it possible that your partner could forget you were in hospital? Am I expecting too much? Anyway, I didn't make a big deal about it at the time because it was the first time it had happened and just put it down to his busy workload. I wish I had made a big deal about it now!Secondly, I have been studying really hard for the past year for 3 exams which I have found a real challenge. I pulled out all the stops because I was determined to pass them and I am thrilled to say that I did! However, my boyfriend seems to have forgotten about this and hasn't asked about my exam results.My boyfriend drinks alcohol probably 2-3 pints 3 -4 times a week. Is that excessive or enough to affect his memory? I am getting concerned that he has a medical problem that he hasn't told me about. I feel like I am getting no support from him at all. How can I talk to him about it? I don't want him to get defensive, but if I don't get to the bottom of this then I am seriously considering splitting up with him. As much as I love him and there are good things in the relationship, I am not sure I can go through these things alone when he forgets things.
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female
reader, MCD  +, writes (2 December 2009):
Hi,
My boyfriend has the same issue and tends to forget things. He knows that I have a very powerful memory and it scares him a little (I get pretty upset when I realise he's forgotten something).
I end up not being able to rely on him for much and it's very frustrating to be in charge of everything.
Have you found a solution to this since ? How did you talk about this issue with him ? I would love to hear how you solved your problem. I want to believe that he still cares but his loss of memory hurts my feelings.
A
male
reader, oldfool  +, writes (17 July 2008):
 I'm also the forgetful type, and I think a lot of guys are like this.
Whatever people's troubles might be and no matter how sympathetic I may feel when I hear them, they very quickly slip my mind and I say things the next day that show I've completely forgotten. I hate to say this, but this is actually a sign of not caring a great deal. It's not that I wanted to forget these things, but my mind obviously didn't think it important enough -- I was probably thinking about something else at the time -- to keep it in memory. It means that I was being self-centred and thinking only of myself. This is alright up to a point, but is not acceptable if it becomes too serious.
Either your boyfriend is the totally "absent-minded professor" type, or he just doesn't care that much about things that are happening in your life. To forget that your girlfriend went into hospital is rather a serious oversight and suggests to me that he's not really paying much attention to you.
You've got to bring it up with him somehow because it's understandably bothering you a tremendous amount. Perhaps you could sit him down and tell him just how you feel, starting maybe on a humorous note with "Listen, my absent-minded professor....", and let him know that he needs to come down out of the clouds and pay a bit more attention to what's happening in your life, because you really NEED him to support you emotionally and stand behind you when anything happens.
Best of luck!
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A
male
reader, Passthrough  +, writes (17 July 2008):
 I am the forgetful guy, it's types of things which are hard to remember.
Names, dates, personal details, not a chance :-D In one ear, out the other, almost regardless of how much I try and memorize.
Numbers, the clothing people wear, faces, shapes... I can recall people who I have seen once before, in a crowd, years down the line... I took a test in the beginning of college to test my special aptitude, and can still recall the shapes I was told to memorize for the followup thenext day.
Forgive the poor guy! Ask him to please, drink less, and tell him how much what he forgets is important to you! Maybe find a way he can remember what you'd like him to.
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A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (17 July 2008):
 Hi, It is my opinion that the excessive drinking is quite possibily affecting his brain, I could be wrong, but that amount of drinking that you described, can burn out your brain, and your liver. I don't know his age, but in addition, as we age, our short term memory will suffer, to different degrees, in different people. If you love this man
then I would suggest you try to get him to see a doctor very soon, he needs to be made aware of what he is doing to his body. Do not emphasis the drinking, when and if you try to get him to the doctor, talk about his short term memory loss and how a person of his age should not have such lapses
of memory. There is something that has been promoted as a help with improving your memory, and to offset the onset
of dementhia and the other disease that I cannot spell :o),
you know what I mean I hope, phonetically it is altzeimers.
They report that taking Folic Acid, which you can get from a health food store can help improve your memaory. You can get a second opinion on this from a health food store manager or do some research on it.
He should probably undergo medical tests to determine if there is any physical medical problem.
He is unable to give you the support you need, because it seems as though he has destroyed some of his brain cells, or he has a medical problem, either way, he needs help. Try to get him to a doctor for a determination, this is not normal in my opinion. Congratulations on passing your exams, and good luck to you in the future. Hope that you can get him to the doctor. Take care always.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2008): Been there, done that. My ex had an awful memory, too, which drove me crazy as I've a very good one. On top of being annoying for other reasons, it meant I always had to carry the burden of responsibility, remembering to get bills paid, remembering to bring something when we went to a friend's for dinner and on and on. It was tiring for me, always having to do everything myself because I knew I couldn't rely on him to remember. I resented him for it. Funnily enough, when it came to his work, he could remember every little detail, even from ages back. So, I thought, it's not that he CAN'T remember, it's that he must only pay attention to and remember things he cares about, things that are important to him, things he chooses to focus his energy on. And that didn't include me or our relationship. Turns out my instincts were bang on: he dumped me out of the blue for no good reason after using me for sex one last time. How I wish I'd paid attention to the warning sign that was his unwillingness to remember anything apart from his work.I firmly believe that we remember/pay attention to/focus on/put at the forefront of our brain that which is important to us. So I find your boyfriend's lack of attentiveness to you very telling. I think your instincts are right - as a woman's instincts almost always are - when you say he doesn't care. If he cared, he's make you a priority in his mind. But he doesn't.Also, his drinking sounds excessive. My ex drank excessively, too. That issue presents a whole other host of problems. Good luck to you. I hope you don't get as hurt as I did.
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