A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I know this may sound dumb. I think it does, but I just can't figure it out myself. I have been having low self esteem issues ever since my boyfriend and I started dating. We have known each other for a year and have been dating for 8 months. The problem is, he rarely tells me I'm pretty for no reason. If I ask him, he say I look pretty or sometimes beautiful. But it may only be once every month or so that he just says it on his own. And that's Only after I have spent hours primping in front of a mirror to look that way. He says he likes the way I look without makeup, yet NEVER says I'm pretty if I'm not wearing any. Then I feel like he doesn't admit when he finds other girls attractive because he thinks it will upset me. It actually ha the opposite effect, but he doesn't understand that. I want him to feel comfortable admiring other women are pretty around me, because when he doesn't I feel like he's tryin to hide something. He claim that he NEVER checks out other women. Those are his words, not mine. I don't believe him. I tell him thr there's no way he telling me the truth because all guys check out other people, women do it too. There's nothing wrong with looking, as long as you're not touching or cheating. I dont care if he looks! I can't understand why he can't just admit it, or why the lack of admittance tends to make me feel even more unattractive. See that's where it gets weird. Most people would feel more insecure if their significant other started sayin other girls are pretty. I feel insecure because my boyfriend refuses to say other women are pretty. Then he gets mad when I tell him I think he is lying. Because I don't see how you can be in a relationship with somebody you say is pretty and then never see beauty in anyone else. Does that even make sense? I'm not saying I want him to go hit on some other girl, but he won't even at another girls is pretty, even if I says he is first, he says whatever, I don't think so. I makes me wonder what he sees in me that makes me pretty when "no other girl is."
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female
reader, shivamirage  +, writes (10 November 2012):
I can say that i am just feeling like your boyfriend.my husband is the only handsome man for me.i am neutral to others. There are people out there who feels the same way.i know i searched a lot.he might be honest.even there is a termal for it:demisexuality.if he gets mad when you call him liar he is honest i think.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2012): I wish I had your boyfriend! Lol, my boyfriend looks and says stuff about other girls ALL the time and it annoys me so much! I have low self esteem and it's difficult to deal with his "guy" ways. So I think you should appreciate your man, maybe he's not being honest and he does look but at least he has respect to not do it in front of you..just remember the grass isn't always greener on the other side!! ;) good luck!
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (3 September 2012):
 Excuse my typos and other issues... Typing answers on my phone isn't a great idea when it spell checks and creates random words I didn't mean to use, lol.
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (3 September 2012):
I can relate to a lot of what you are saying hear. Starting with never being to you are pretty. Some people just don't give out compliments a lot. Your boyfriend sounds similar to my husband, he doesn't do a lot of compliments either. When I dress up I will hear it but on a day to day basis he doesn't come out and say I'm pretty. Since I have told him I'd like to hear it more often he tries to compliment me more, "I like your hair like that" and things of that nature but it doesn't come natural to him so it still isn't unless he thinks to say it. At one point he was saying "you're pretty" every day but it felt scheduled so lost its meaning. Which frustrated him because he did what I asked but I still didn't like it. Try not to base how you feel about your looks on what your boyfriend says. I know it's easier said than done because I need to hear compliments too. But he obviously finds you pretty. You can speak with him about liking to hear it more often. He may try and say it more realizing it will make you happy, but don't put pressure on him or it'll feel fake like I described.
About the other issue, it's very well possible he doesn't check out other women. I hear all the time that everyone does this. I don't. I can see another man, I do not check out or look at men in a way that I am finding them attractive. Maybe I am a freak, maybe not. But I know if my husband was doing what you are doing to your boyfriend, forcing me to admit I find a random guy attractive and was looking at him, I'd be clueless on how to act. If I'm not looking and say I'm not looking what more can I do? I'm sure your boyfriend feels helpless and you are taking your insecurities out on him. My husband doesn't check out other women either. I think if I were to point out specific ones and ask if he finds them attractive he could give an answer, but he doesn't pay attention to people in general when we are out and doesn't look at women in that way. I've pointed out countless people to laugh at or ask a question about that he never even noticed. I can understand your thinking in a way, that he must be hiding it so that's worse than just saying it. But if you force him to admit to finding someone attractive he will probably pick someone at random because it's what you want to hear. And I doubt it would make you feel better after all. You may think its what you want but find it to be harder to take, especially since you are so insecure.
Try to love how you look regardless of whether your boyfriend tells you or not. Don't take all of your insecurities out on him because there's nothing he can do about it. And it's quite possible he doesn't check out other women so give him a break there too. You are pretty or he wouldn't ever tell you you were and he wouldn't be with you. And let him know you like compliments but accept him for who he is at the same time.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (3 September 2012):
 Checking out members of the opposite sex is natural know matter who you are, but I know how it feels to never have a man compliment. I wish men would understand this simple fact about women. We can be the most beautiful and confident women on the planet, but it will make our day to hear something nice coming from our men. And, if our men don't make over us, we sometimes do get self-esteem issues because we wonder why the most important person in the world won't compliment us.
If you figure out how to get him to do it, let us know. Complete strangers on the street would compliment me more than my own boyfriend.
As far as him denying he thinks other girls are pretty...he is trying to be considerate of your feelings. Perhaps he is reserved and never says any woman is pretty. But you telling him some girl is pretty and expecting him to say so back is baiting him. Don't do that because he's not dumb enough to say "yeah, she is really hot" in front of you. At least he respects your feelings and is considerate in that sense.
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