A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend’s family and friends don’t want him to be with me anymore because i don’t have a job and i’m not in college, they don’t understand that i have a hard time going out and doing stuff on my own and it’s hard just getting out of bed everyday. i’m really hurt because he takes their side and is embarrassed to tell people what i do because i don’t do anything. i understand that they're just worried for his future but i wish it didn't come to this. i really am a nice, sweet girl. i really do love him with all my heart but when i found out what people have been saying about me, i don’t know how to feel. they think i’m really mean to him and don’t want him around me anymore. I admit that i haven’t been perfect and we fight a lot but i believe we can work this out and be happy. he yells at me too and calls me names whenever we fight. he said i meant nothing to the world, etc. right now he acts like nothing is wrong but i still feel like it is. i’m not a bad person, it’s just taking me longer than most people to get my life in order and do something with it, that doesn’t mean i won’t! also they’re all mad at me because i haven’t been doing things with them and i’ve been staying at home a lot. i’m just a homebody but eventually i will go out when i feel like it. can you please help me and tell me what i can do to make things better, or make him be nicer to me? please. i know that his dad, grandma, and one of his friends (that is a girl) said something about me, but everyone probably feels the same way as well. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, sonam kuku  +, writes (9 June 2009):
i understand ur situation even i am going along these type of situation.....i should say worse than urs....i hav been never liked by my fellow mates at work nor my husband understand me ....m financiallly unsound....yet m breathing thats the way that i have learnt to be in life ... jus ignore wat the world is doing on u...focusss on the goal that u hav set...afterall these place is meant 4 u also n god will b alyz there to give the right judgement......goood luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2008): i don't think it's fair that he says you mean nothing to the world. you do'nt deseve to be treated like that
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2008): Hello, it's the original poster. Thank you so much everyone, especially the last anonymous for your wonderful advice. I am taking an anti-depressant for anxiety and depression and it's very difficult for me to go get dressed every day and go do something. It hurts more than words can describe that I don't have any support from the person I love with all heart. It's such a blow to me that his family and friends think they know me so well and think they know what I *NEED* to do to insure me and my boyfriend's future together. My family is pretty well-off and we have money, I even have a trust-fund, granted it's not too much but it's there for when I need it. My mother and father are by far the most supportive and have encouraged me to enroll in college or find something to do part-time. Right now, I feel like a failure at life and hearing that people are talking behind my back is making it so much worse. I'm afraid to leave him, being alone scares me more than anything. My boyfriend and I also fight constantly and it never seems to let up... just becomes worse and worse. I really want to be happy and change myself, but it seems impossible with the situation I'm in.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2008): I was a lot like you a few years ago. It sounds like you are very depressed. I think your boyfriends family is very insensitive. They don't sound nice at all. Clearly you are going through a really hard time, depression is a serious illness, and for them to be doing anything other than offering support, just blows my mind. Furthermore, your boyfriend is an adult. If anything they should just stay out of it. I too went through a depression a few years ago and had alot of your same symptoms. Always home, slept alot, no motivation. I was lucky that my boyfriend at the time was a little more understanding. I too was having all sorts of problems finacnially and academically. But I guess since he too had been through depression he was very understanding. His family was wonderful to me, even though financially and academically I had so much less to offer. They loved me unconditionally.Your boyfriend and his family are not worth it. Just like you don't kick your dog out on the street just because he got sick and can't play fetch anymore, its the same with friends and girlfriends. You don't just kick them out of your life when they are sick. You have depression, that is an illness. You need help and support. Right now you need to forget your boyfriend and his family and get help. I personally went to therpists, was on Lexapro for a while. I can't say that either of those really helped. What really helped me the most were two things. Change and a good support network. I changed my environment completely. I moved out of the city, to a different town to my sister's place. Made new friends, got plenty of sunshine, new job, new relationship. It really really helped. I realised I wasn't happy with my life how it was. And I needed a different life altogether. Moving out of the cold weather into the sunshine was wonderful.What also helped was having a good support network. I had my sister and best friend and my new boyfriend. Its not that I sat and dwelled on my problems all day and they were there to listen. No way. In fact I highly discourage that. Sitting and dwelling on your "problems" is the WORST thing you can do. I guess that's why I don't like therapists. What I mean by a good support network is having people around you who are uplifting and inspirational. Who themselves are happy and funny and energetic and love you unconditionally and are going to be nice to you and are not going to judge you or treat you like a failure. Whose energy is going to lift you up and influence you and inspire you. Who themselves wake up at 8 in the morning and wake you up too to get coffee with them and chat. Who workout everyday and encourage you to join them. Who are there to pat you on the back and be happy for you for every little accomplishment you make, even if its just that you washed the dishes or you woke up early. Their good spirits, motivation and energy is going to rub off on you. That is what I mean by a GOOD support network. So yeah. Let someone know that you are depressed and that you need help. Maybe you need to start with a therapist, if you have trouble finding people that you can count on. You should focus on forgetting your boyfriend, finding a good support network (Family? friends?) and changing things in your life.
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female
reader, Aylarsh +, writes (23 February 2008):
 You must be depressed, but with this time try to find things that will make you happy. You should deal with this head on and try to feel better. There are many ways you can get better just call your doctor or someone. Get your self out of bed and get started on your life!Good luck Love3
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (23 February 2008):
 You sound like you could be suffering from depression, which can be treated medically. If that's not the case, you need to find something to exite yourself, a zest for life, if you will. I don't know your financial situation, but if you can live without working, maybe you can do volunteer work. Help people that are less fortunate then yourself. Find a reason to get out of bed.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (23 February 2008):
I think you have a bigger problem than his family not liking you. You have a hard time getting out of bed everyday? Are you depressed? I think that is a valid cause for concern on the part of your BF's family and it should be a valid cause for concern on your part, but it sounds like you are avoiding dealing with it. However, you need to deal with it, and when you do, then your problem with his family will go away. There are a lot of treatments for depression available now. Call your doctor or a therapist and start dealing with it. It may seem daunting but you don't have to tackle it alone. Just ask for help. You sound young, and life has so much to offer. Get out of bed darlin', go out of the house. There is a whole wide world waiting for you!
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