A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I'm getting pretty serious with my long-term boyfriend and I'm really happy about that. I just have one issue. His family has a lot of drama. I'm not wanting to be judgemental about it because it's not his fault, but I'm just concerned as to how much of a deal this is for the future. We live in a different city than they do and they're very nice when I see them, it's just all the other things that I'm afraid that I'm missing. His father has prison time and a history of drug and alcohol addiction (although he has been sober for a few years). His father is also sick, and perhaps only has a few years to live. His mother (while incredibly loving to me up to this point) was at times cruel to my boyfriend growing up and has completely lost her mind a few times (disappeared for a few days, forgotten who she was, where she was etc.)Perhaps bi-polar? Additionally, neither of them work and live off disability and some money which we have no idea where it came from. Neither my boyfriend or I approve of this. I think I should also add that he has an 11 year old sister who, if something should happen to the parents (which is possible) we would have to take care of. She is very sweet, but I'm not sure that I'm ready to be a mom yet (we're both 27).My boyfriend is wonderful and is works with underprivledged children because he actually cares, does not drink often, has never done drugs, is working on his master's, held down several jobs and a scholarship to pay for college, and is extremely loving towards me. I guess the bottom line of all this is, I would like someone who has been in my situation, or my boyfriend's, to give me some advice about what I'm getting into. Good idea, bad idea? Am I judgemental and snobby or naive? I know we all have family drama, I just am concerned that this could potentially change my life.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (28 September 2009):
I would say that you're being very sensible. You've seen that there could be a lot of problems in the future. However, this guy does sound like a great guy. Try sitting him down and discussing your fears with him. Tell him you're worried about the future because there is so much going on with his family. (Do this gently though). Hopefully he'll listen and be able to reassure you. All the best.
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