A
female
age
30-35,
*troubledOne
writes:Hey, I never wrote to one of these before, so do bear with me!I have been with my boyfriend for now a year. I live in Northern Ireland, where religion slightly matters. My boyfriend is a Protestant and I'm a Catholic. Boyfriend told me that his parents like me, but appareantly I live in a very bad area (I live in Ligoniel, which is a very Catholic based area and very close to farms, so pretty much the outskirts of Belfast. Personally, because it's so far out of town NOTHING, happens)Now my boyfriend and I are not troubled by either our different religions, nor where we live, but last year summer his parents threatened him that he either breaks of the relationship or the step father will break his legs and he will be thrown out of the house. Ever sence then we have been keeping the relationship going, relatively secret!Another thing about me is that I'm not originally from Northern Ireland, but Hungary and to all my explaining I'm still called a "Polish Taig B**ch!"Ever since the "break up" his parents are trying to fix him up with exes and push him to go out with his brother so that "he could pick up chicks"!Now the boyfriends brother started to go out with this girl who lives quite close to me, but still a Protestant area. And she has been instantly accepted by the family. She has to take care of her younger brother, for reasons I wouldn't want to meantion here. But they constantly offer her that they babysit for her when the brother and her are out, she get to spend Christmas with them. Which I do admit made me very jelous and now she started to buy gifts for my boyfriend. First small things, but yesterday she got him a £100 pair of boots. This makes me slightly uncomfortable. I told the bf that, but he said that it's nothing and he doesnt really talk to her, however the stuff that I got for him are thrown aside for the stuff she got him! I would have a couple of questions here:1. What to make of the girlfriends actions? Is she hitting on my bf? Does she just wanna kiss up?2. Is this seriously nothing for the bf? Does he just like to get his ego stroked? 3. How should I break it to my boyfriend that it does make me uncomfortable? It does make me jelous and sad that I don't have his parent's aproval? 4. Overall, how can i help him to straighten things out with his family so we are accepted?I honestly don't care what his family thinks of me, but I don't want to hide the relationship any longer and I do want to spend some time on his turf and some of our close friends that can't spend time in my house (as I have cats and he is allergic to them) and I wanna spend time with both of them and not just on the phone to them constantly! Any advice is help! and Thank you!
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female
reader, cat lady  +, writes (10 January 2011):
 I couldn't possibly have a boyfriend who was allergic to cats! I have 8 of them and if I had to choose between a romance and my kitties, the kitties would win hands down.
The stepfather threatened to break his legs? Whom does he work for, the Mafia? They sound like a rough bunch, girl, maybe not your type of people at all. They're also a bit stupid if they can't tell the difference between a Polish girl and a Hungarian - they don't even look alike and they sure don't talk alike.
Girl, I wish with all my heart I could tell you something encouraging about this relationship. It's not because of your alleged 'differences' but rather the behavior of the boyfriend. He may well love you dearly but he is of weak character in some ways, one of which is taking a stand like a man about a relationship he wants to continue. To accept an expensive gift from a girl he doesn't know well, not a relative or old friend, IS a bit odd. If it were you accepting such gifts from strange men, he'd have something to say about it, wouldn't he? He might even accuse you of immorality. No, I don't like this at all.
This religion dispute hasn't got anything to do with you or your countrymen so I don't see why it's a problem. In Ireland, as far as I know, it is really about national identity and bloodlines and not religious dogma. Protestants are considered 'landed Englishmen' by many Catholic Irish no matter how many generations they've been there and their loyalties, therefore, first to England and the English Crown. It's hard to believe otherwise when Northern Ireland is yet part of the UK. Those are old wounds too, from a history steeped in blood and some people have very long memories. This has been going on since Elizabeth Tudor was on the throne, whose father was the very first 'Protestant' king of England. So how on earth does an innocent Hungarian girl fit into that?
Altogether an unpleasant lot of people you're mixed up with. It's not just because I, too have a Catholic background that I'm going to tell you this but, considering where you live, dear, perhaps you should be more open to attentions from somebody else with whom you have more in common or at least, a person whose family are more open-minded and modern-thinking. You should be free to make your own impression as an individual, not to be judged on things over which you never had any power: your ethnic group and place of birth. Your boyfriend (the one I hope you dump) is an idiot - Hungarians are some of the best cooks in the world and their language and music are enchantment itself.
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