A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hi Everyone,I Would like some help please, as i am really getting upset.I have been with my boyfriend for a year this week and i love him so much. My problem is his ex wife, she won't leave him alone. I was best friends with my boyfriend for years before we got together. There relationship was on the rocks and had never been happy. When we got together it was obviously very hard, for all of us, as they say you never know what you have till its gone. She played up something rotten.I have taken it all, the name calling the abuse and everything, because i feel we deserved it.My boyfriend has tried everything to be nice to her, he left her the house, she has plenty of money. All we wanted is to be left in peace.He does not have a bad bone in his body, he is so lovely. He has taken years of abuse from her which is why he finally left.It was only when he left that i told him i was in love with him. And we thought we could be happy.The problem is we work for her parents, so he has to be nice to her at all times, no matter what she does.I wish we could both get other jobs, so we would not be tied. But at the moment thats not possible.Please help, I feel she will get her way eventually, and get him back, because I cant take the presure.Any thoughts would be nice.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2007): My boyfriend has an ex wife, and the way I see it is that it is her loss, and to see him happy with you probably makes her jealous of his happiness. Make sure you put each other first and irrespective of your jobs, put each other first. If you are happy then it is her problem not yours. DO NOT try to own the problem, it doesnt belong to you! Bask in your love and happiness and look for jobs elsewhere maybe, that way you're not giving her control. But whatever happens, be happy that you have a man that loves and respects you. She has no right to make you feel less worthy, you are a wonderful human being in your own right and if you have met someone who makes you want to be a better person no-one has the right to take that away. Go for it, I wish you all the best x x x
A
female
reader, zecky +, writes (20 January 2007):
definitely all the best...after all this time! and waiting through his marriage.... you're a strong person im taking, but that doesn't mean that things ouldn't eventually be able to wear you down to the bone. take lotsof care, and yes, like the others, i think you and your boyfriend should get new jobs - mebbe move away? it depends - do you and your boyfriend have friendships and family rooted in thw town you live in? at anyrate, just please try to find anotehr job, no matter the pay for now and work your way back up - be happy, be confident and talk it out with yur bf - it's definielty a good thing that you guys are best friends as well!
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A
female
reader, zecky +, writes (20 January 2007):
definitely all the best...after all this time! and waiting through his marriage.... you're a strong person im taking, but that doesn't mean that things ouldn't eventually be able to wear you down to the bone. take lotsof care, and yes, like the others, i think you and your boyfriend should get new jobs - mebbe move away? it depends - do you and your boyfriend have friendships and family rooted in thw town you live in? at anyrate, just please try to find anotehr job, no matter the pay for now and work your way back up - be happy, be confident and talk it out with yur bf - it's definielty a good thing that you guys are best friends as well!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your help,
He has given her everything, the house the furniture and also money. She has no mortgage to pay,and has never worked. The children are both in there late teens, and one has already left home. The house is huge, with a massive garden. Neither my partner or myself cared that he gave her all this. We just wanted some peace as i said. I wish she would meet someone else and then maybe she would leave us alone. She may think we were together before he split, but thats not true. And even if it had been, no one would have blamed him. She was a nightmare. You are all right, i do need to get another job, and distance myself from the situation.
My boyfriend has to lie to her all the time otherwise she gets upset. Even down to me going to his mums for christmas. I know i sound hard and un-caring, but honestly im not. I just feel at the end of my tether.
She dosnt want to go out to work. But she gets paid for doing nothing anyway, so she dosnt have to.
How much more could he have done for her.
The reson he feels guilty, is he has spoilt her for so long, that he feels she cannot cope on her own.
She is an adult though, and she treats everyone like they are beneath her.
He wanted to leave her 15 years ago, but felt guilty because the children were young. It was only when they got older, he felt the time was right.
Anyway thanks again, its nice to know people care xx
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A
female
reader, AngelofLove +, writes (19 January 2007):
 The way forward is to get other jobs which you already know. Why do you stay it is impossible?
Better to do a more menial job for less money than to take this crap?
By working at this place you give this woman the perfect weapon to get to you both everytime.
Use your spare time constructively to look for another job and you will have the peace you deserve.
Good luck xxx
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A
female
reader, Millyella  +, writes (19 January 2007):
 This is a very difficult situation for everybody involved. Perhaps your partner's ex feels that the two of you were somehow together before they split up? In any case, she was bound to feel put out, no matter who he started a relationship with.
If neither of you are prepared to find different jobs, then the only thing i can suggest is that you and your partner be courteous and polite to his ex and her family. Nothing more. Professional courtesy is a must, but when it comes to private matters then you both will have to take steps to address the practicalities. When they split up, did your partner and his ex divide up the assets using a mediator? Did your partner's guilt over the end of the marriage mean that she got a more generous settlement than she was really entitled to? And why did your partner feel guilty anyway if you guys weren't already together?
This is an emotive situation; try not to add any more fuel to the fire. Keep matters on an 'official' footing wherever possible.
And please; start looking at alternative career options. A bit of distance would do you all some good.
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2007): dont panic... give it time...
Your relationship is strong and you will be able to take the pressure. Try finding another job if its not possible then ask your fella too. I am sure one of you could leave.
As for the ex wife... she will leave you alone once she has gotten over her ex... dont forget they wee married and she is hurting coz your with him..
I hope everything works out
CA x
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