A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend's ex girlfriend texts him and calls him. It made me rather uncomfortable. They dated for 6 months before he broke up with her, and then started dating me about a month afterwards. It made me feel uncomfortable, and I made it very clear to him that it did. But he still texts her and she texts back and he tells me. She writes on his wall on Facebook, likes everything he does, but I am fine with that. Its very obvious she still likes him. Recently I noticed him reading my phones inbox, and I thought it'll be fine if I read his as I had no problem with him reading mine. But when I was about to, he stopped me, and told me I could read the sent messages but not his inbox. I noticed the first two texts were from his ex girlfriend. I got mad, and demanded an explanation. He said it was just a reaction and that he had nothing to hide and that he loved me. And that he wouldn't let me read because the messages he recieved are from other people and that should be kept private plus if I read the messages from his ex, I might get the wrong idea. He said he thought that was the right thing at that precise moment, but realises what he did was stupid. And he kept apologising. We talked and I said if I couldn't read his inbox he couldn't read mine and thats only fair. And all of a sudden he was fine with me reading his messages. As much as I love him, I don't like his ex girlfriend texting him. And what did he mean by the wrong idea, unless of course theres something about her messages. What do I do. i want her to know where she stands and what her limits are. She ought to know that. My boyfriend I don't think is even considering to stop talking to his ex, he just doesn't get it when I say I'm uncomfortable. Could you please help me.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010): I agree with Caring Guy. Your fella's words are cheap and I wasted two years on a guy just like him. He doesn't stop contact with exes because he wants to keep a backup of hookups and he is seeing you for the steady sex and the image that being part of a couple gives him.
If he doesn't "get it" it's because he doesn't feel it, he isn't capable of empathy towards your feelings, period. It's all about him. This is a big red flag, if I were you, I would take note, and break up with him for good, because then you will be the ex and he will be stringing you along with texts and attention.
He isn't relationship material, trust me on this one. A person who has nothing to hide, hides nothing.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2010): Leave aside the fact that he acted funny when you went to read his message and consider the notion that he is willing to continue contacting his ex via texts and emails whilst you express your concern.
This suggest to me that he does not respect your wishes and puts the privacy of the people who text him before the peace of mind of his gf.
If you want to play games, I suggest you start texting and talking to another guy or your ex. However, I suggest you be mature and tell him how you fell one more time, ask him to stop or keep contact to a bare minimum and then if he isn't willing to listen then walk away. If your partner is not willing to stop certain behaviour (within reason) which upsets you or makes you uncomfortable then its time to reconsider the relationship.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (12 July 2010):
I think this guy is playing you. Pure and simple, I think you're being played. He went through your phone, then mysteriously wouldn't let you do the same with his. And to top it off, he won't cut contact even though he knows that it's getting to you. I think this is a guy that doesn't respect you enough to warrant your time. I think you can do better, and I think you should end it and do better. Don't play second best to an ex.
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