A
female
age
36-40,
*esbo
writes:i am a woman who has been dating a man for a year. for the past 6 months i have been coming to terms with me sexuality, and have recently decided to come out of the closet. before i can do that i need to tell my boyfriend that i am a lesbian. i care about him very much and i don't want to hurt him. he is very insecure emotionally and will likely become suicidal when i tell him because the last girl he loved left him because she was also a lesbian. how do i let him down easily?
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female
reader, chachacha  +, writes (2 March 2007):
Sexuality is not as black and white as you have described.
As you have been having a relationship with him, it means that you cannot be 100% "lesbian", even if you now feel that you are more "lesbian" than "straight".
Firstly, are you unhappy in the relationship with him? Work out why and then tell him that. For example, if you don't find him sexually attractive any more, then you could say that. Then, move on with your life.
Once you and he have split up, whatever happens later with respect to your relationships is your own business. If you happen to find a nice woman to settle down with, and if you happen to still be friendly with him, you can just say that you fell for this woman.
If he responds to your splitting up with suicide, that is his responsibility not yours, but you can be as kind as possible in the way that you split up with him, and don't blame him for anything and don't say any negative things to him. But at the end of the day, being dumped is always going to be crap for anyone, for whatever reason it is happening.
A
female
reader, sunrise +, writes (2 March 2007):
 I feel for you, you are torn between hurting this man and feeling responsible for any action he may take when you tell him, but to be fair to you both that's just what you have to do, you cant go on living a lie it will only end up with you resenting him and being very unhappy. As hard as it will be you have to be honest with yourself and him, there's no reason why you cant stay friends but being an adult and having gone through it before (and dealing with it)if he thinks anything of you he will let you go, he'll go through the usual emotions, upset and hurt, angry and bitter and with time he'll reach the acceptance and move on.There is no easy way of telling him, but which ever way you do it make it sooner rather than later. Good luck x
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