A
female
age
36-40,
*itty28
writes:My boyfriend is taking me to a wedding and his ex, who is Very much clearly still in love with him, will be there. Should I go to this wedding? I don't want to end up causing a scene. FYI, my boyfriend has told her to move on and that they won't be together anymore. But she doesn't want to let go and she's still hoping. My boyfriend just treats her as a friend out of respect. But I feel like punching her everytime I see her. She goes the extra mile by "loving" (new fb feature) all his pictures posted by our friends. (He doesn't have facebook anymore because of her). What should I do? Should I go to the wedding to stake my claim? Or should I let him go alone.Help.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 March 2016):
 Why would you have to cause a scene ?!
At somebody's else wedding who has been so corteous to invite you sharing the most memorable day of their lives, and to wine and dine you and entertain you ? ...
How can you even conceive the idea ?
Unless you are physically attacked with a steak knife by one of the other guests, -no, you should not even be tempted to cause a scene, and if there's something a bit annoying , you just grin and bear, because it is not all about you !, or your relationship, or your antagonisms. It's not YOUR day, and not the moment for you to be in the spotlight . As a guest, basically you have to cheer , and pass unnoticed .
This will only require you enough self control and restraint to act normal and civil for 4 - 5 hours .
You do not need to socialize with the girl or to pat her on her back. You can ignore her and devote yourself instead to enjoy the ceremony, the wedding reception, the food the music and the festive atmosphere. I'd think this would be a sustainable effort even for a fiery temperament and in light of stronger provocations than those you mention- in short I think that you can make it because most everybody can make it. But if I am wrong and you suspect you would be the exception- then no, please, don't go. A bit of female solidariety for the poor bride. How would you feel if some guest started a catfight at YOUR wedding ??
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (15 March 2016):
 I agree with Tisha, if you can't behave like an adult and with SOME dignity - stay home.
If you want to show HER that she means nothing to you, then go, look fabulous, behave with manners and grace. And avoid her as much as you can, and I'd say ASK your BF to do the same if he is serious about you.
I think that your BF likes the idea of two women fighting over him, and if I were you, I'd prove him wrong by behaving like a LADY at the wedding and not a DISGRACE.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2016): If he goes alone you are going to be seething with jealousy, wondering if she's putting the moves on him. So with that said, of course you should go. That's annoying but the best thing you can do is be confident. Right before my boyfriend and I got back together, there was this girl he worked with who was all over him. She's pretty too. We weren't just yet dating again but I went to meet him for lunch one day, and he was talking to that girl and when she saw me she was super rude to me. Made a couple of snide remarks at me. I was shocked but didn't say anything. I don't respond to stupid behavior. It's below me. We went to lunch, I asked what's up her butt he just said she likes him. A few days later we met again for lunch and again she saw me. When she did she started acting all flirty with him, touchy feely and put a little girly voice on as she spoke to him. It was so transparent what she was doing. She was trying to make me jealous and stake a claim I already knew was mine. So you know what I did? I walked away, just stepped a few feet away, to allow them time to finish their conversation, and let her pant and swoon like an idiot and I went on my cell phone acted like I was doing something important and just ignored her. Pretended like I couldn't hear their conversation and acted like I didn't gave two ^^^^s. He excused himself, walked over to me and we went out to lunch. She's out of the picture and we've been together ever since. Her name has never come up once.By ignoring her and letting her swoon over him jumping through hoops like a moron just to get his attention, and acting like I couldn't care less, I made her look stupid as well as insignificant. She came off as pathetic. I came off as confident. It was like handing her a rope and letting her hang herself. You shouldn't fight over a guy. It'll just make you look pathetic. Let her do the fighting and let her act the fool. Don't reduce yourself to her level. He loves you. Be confident. If you are, he'll love you even more.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 March 2016):
 If you are unable to control yourself, and know that you will cause a scene, well, I’d say, definitely stay home.
Now, that would mean that she “wins” and your absence will allow her to suggest that you are so out of control of your emotions and your dignity that you can’t manage to be a civilized person.
So, which image would you like to portray? That of someone who is so childish and thinks of physical violence as a means of getting her way? Or that of someone who has “won” the man and pities the sad little ex who is so caught up in social media. That sad little ex who seems to think that pushing some buttons on facebook means that she’s special in some way?
Which image would be the best one going forward?
P.S. Are you watching shows like “The Housewives of Beverly Hills” by any chance?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (15 March 2016):
 You go to the wedding.... and behave like a Lady... and that is the end of that.....
If "B/F's" ex- makes an a$$ of herself... then you will know - even better - what a delightful woman you are....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 March 2016):
 Off course go to the wedding, and enjoy the day with your boyfriend. Don't cause a scene, just be polite and civil to her. Your boyfriend needs to break all contact with her though so that she can move on from him, being her friend is only going to give her false hope that he still has feelings for her, he needs to have a no contact rule with her. Remember that she loves him and it must be tough on her, so just keep your distance from her and remember that it is you he is with therefore it is you that he wants.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2016): You MUST behave normally. Go with your bf and be CIVIL to her. She can always try and make a scene but she'll be a fool for doing so not you.
Do not let anyone make you do something.
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