A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi I have been with my boyfriend now for 3 years we have a son together. We are happy apart from the fact we get no time together because of his mate.My boyfriend finishes work. I have tea ready, then halfway through eating it his mate turns up.My boyfriend then goes out somewhere with him. I have told my boyfriend I don't mind him mate coming round, as long as it's not every night, but he doesn't listen. I told him how I felt about it a few weeks ago and he stopped coming round, but it's started again. He's been round every night for the past 3 weeks. What do I do? thank you Reply to this Question
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male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (16 March 2016):
 Sorry to hear that you are going through this. This is always a tough one, because if you come down too harshly, he'll see it as you controlling him. If you don't say anything, then you wind up suffering and living in a relationship where you don't feel connected with your partner.
This is really where compromise and listening to your partner count. Have you explained to him that you feel left out? Have you tried to set up a date night or a night in with just the two of you?
Some guys escape because they don't like their home life. When you guys are alone, do you get along? Is it an environment that you would like to come home to? Perhaps he feels that the family life makes him feel old and this is his way of dealing with mid-life crisis (so to speak). Or is your partner simply selfish?
I think you have to do a bit of detective work to figure out what is behind his detective act. Also you'll need to take a little bit of an assertive stand in stating what you need from him. From their, you'll learn exactly what sort of mate you've chosen to start a family with.
Eddie
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2016): The cold water on his head suggestion reminds me of my dear Nan - she wouldn't have taken any shit from anyone. Your boyfriend is the problem - if he isn't putting you and his child first then he can do one. If seeing his mate every night is more important then he can go live with him. He is not respecting you. It's perfectly natural for people to want some time apart from their partner and family commitments but every night of the week is taking the piss. You could talk to the friend but it's your boyfriend who should be doing that. I would start just cooking for you and your son, and would tell your bf that you're not some house maid that serves his dinner and is then left. I would then tell him, calmly but sternly, that you're not tolerating his friend around every night because it disrupts your family time. His friend can come over once a week, if he doesn't think that's enough then he should look for somewhere else to live because he should WANT to spend time with you and he should want to bond with his child.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (15 March 2016):
 You tell B/F: "Hunchy-Bunchy, this mate of your's is getting to be a right-royal pain in the a$$.... and I - for one - don't intend to keep him in my life as much as he seems to think he's entitled to be.... So you, Hunchy-Bunchy, need to sit him down to a serious talk about which of us (him, or me) is the primary focus in your life. If it's him... then, Good bye...."
That should do it....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 March 2016):
 This is your home and you should be getting the respect that you deserve from your boyfriend, but he is not giving it to you. He kept you happy by asking his friend to stay away for a few days until it settled down. I think you need to talk to his friend and just tell him that you and your boyfriend need space as a couple and ask him to call before he just lands, then talk to your boyfriend again about this and tell him that either this changes or else you will be looking to move out and find your own place if he is not going to respect you.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (15 March 2016):
 When he calls around meet him at the door and tell him, Not tonight'. He can't just walk into your home when he likes. Your boyfriend is allowing this to happen so he is not blameless either.
Tell them both in no uncertain manner that enough is enough. At about this point it is usual to issue an 'Or Else...'
If he continues to take no notice then a saucepan of cold water over his head as he sprawls on your setee might help reinforce your feelings on the matter. In your home you should not be ignored.
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