A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend's "ex something" is returning to the city and I'm feeling very jealous/insecure.This girl my boyfriend used to have a huge crush on during high school is returning to town. I fear that she's more perfect for him than I am. Let me explain: both of them are Psychology majors, they like the same authors, they like the same movies, same tv series, she's incredibly cheerful, she seems so upbeat, confident, she likes sports (they both like the same team), she is kind of like the sexy and cute "one of the guys" type, etc. Like it seems she has a great personality, and also because she has guys on Facebook constantly leaving messages such as "You're so pretty, you're such a nice girl".They liked each other during high school but it wasn't until they graduated from HS that they hooked up. They hooked up a couple of times (and he tells me they felt each other up), and then she had to leave for college. She is still living there (but is coming back) and she's been very succesful in her field. Their field... my boyfriend is a Psych. Major too, remember? And quite succesful over here.I have stuff in common with him, particularly music which is a passion we share and we like almost the same bands. We share spiritual and political views, but I feel like she's better. I'm a bit more serious, I'm not really the sporty, one of the guys type. I'm not as carefree as she is, not as cheerful. I am smart or so people say, but I don't know, plus I feel immature compared to her since she's older... I haven't even graduated from college yet, and I'm getting a degree in Education, not Psychology. Plus, she's prettier! She is gorgeous, was chosen prom queen or something back in HS, and well... I was teased for being ugly, I was the typical clumsy, artsy type, awful at sports and mocked for being different.I even asked him once if she was prettier and he said "She's too short". Yeah, right... height has nothing to do with beauty! Plus I have always wished I was shorter.She contacted my boyfriend's brother through facebook, asking about my boyfriend and told his brother to tell my boyfriend that they should get in touch. My boyfriend doesn't have an account. I checked her profile and this is how I gathered all this information.My boyfriend says I'm his first love, and the love of his life, and that I'm perfect and that I'm beautiful, that he wants to marry me, etc. I think he doesn't even know she's coming back, and frankly he doesn't even mention her! But when she comes back they will most likely get back in touch and well, I find her threatening. Especially because she's smart, sporty and so cheerful, and I'm not like that. Like she has the perfect personality, but I don't! I'm moodier... and I can't help it. Oh and well she's prettier. I love him so much but I'm scared that when she comes back, he will go after her since they didn't "break up" in bad terms, it was just because she had to leave. He says he'd never leave me, not for anyone else, but who knows, right?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2009): Sweety,
You sound so upset about this whole thing. I can understand how you feel since at times I'm also like you. Feels very inferior around cheerful pretty girls when my bf is present. I guess your relationship is much important to your bf than you imagine it to be. So, don't be so afraid. If your bf is the understanding type, talk to him about your fears. Request him not to go alone to meet this girl if he plans to meet her at all. He might understand. Besides, just being in the same field of profession and liking the same sport does not bond 2 people together. It takes love, understanding, being able to approach to the other person and lots of other little little things like the ones you and your guy share, So, don't worry.
Meanwhile, start counting positive things about yourself. Take up a hobby together with your bf. May be change the style of dressing a bit. Put on a nice new shade of lip gloss. You'll feel good about your self!
All the best sweetheart!!!
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (24 April 2009):
 Hello my darling,
He seems pretty hooked on you to me. It sounds like you guys have a pretty solid that relationship. Why would he ruin that for someone else, anyone else? He loves you.
If he had that with this girl, they would have made things work. It didn't happen! Now she's a friend. Is she even single? Maybe she's got someone who she's feeling serious about. And even if she's not... I just mean to say, if she comes into town and he wants to see her, see if that can happen in some social setting. A bar, or a club or something, maybe you can go out and meet her too.
Don't feel inferior. Obviously he has deeper feelings for you, and you have so much in common on such a deeper level than favorite sports teams or TV shows. Your love runs deeper than the superficial stuff. To him, you are more beautiful than ANYONE. Love him for that and definitely, DEFINITELY say to yourself a thousand times if you have to, "I trust him".
Good luck, my sweet!
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx  +, writes (23 April 2009):
 He sounds devoted to you so don't worry about it!!!! If you do have a problem then tell him not to meet up with her! X
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