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My boyfriend's ex has moved in with him, what do you think?

Tagged as: The ex-factor, Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 February 2009) 7 Answers - (Newest, 15 February 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

My boyfriends ex girlfiend has moved in to his flat because she got no where else to go.he says everything is fine between us but he seems distant.what should i do?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009):

Thank you for evryones response it was all really helpful.i did speak to him regarding the issue and he said that evrything was fine by the way we are all students at university!iv bin goin out with him for two years and he dumped her before we met thats cumin on three years!he has started to sleep at myn explained she was stayin at his because her mum kept arguing with hershe has got so many mates but it like she stayin with him on purpose!i finally convinced him to speak to her, when he did she started screamin and started throwing things around when she calmed down she complained of feelin unwell and told him he caused her to feel low and so unwel.feeling the guilt he let her stay!i had stuff at his place and she chucked some and kept all my expensive toilettries make up.he wants her out but she using the guilt trip.my bf has gt no ballz to chuk her out.im so stressed i dont no what to do because when we wer gna do his laundry shed left a note saying cud he do her washing.she no i do it and he only accompany me.do i speak to her or should he just move into mine.

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (12 February 2009):

Would you honestly be with a man who could turn his back on a girl he once cared about and put her on the street in temperatures of minus 3??????

I know this is not nice for you but what would you have him do?

I could be being distant because you are obviously so jealous about this and that can drive a wedge between you.

Rather than all this negativity, just have some trust and be positive about this. Remind him why you are such a great girlfriend by being great.

Help her look for work, help her look for flats, find friends who have old furniture etc they can give her once she gets a place.

Good Luck!! xx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2009):

Honey, if he is being a little disconnected then I would be stay at his flat alot more. Because, something isn't right and why couldn't she go with one of her girlfriends or family members. Watch out for that nasty ass!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2009):

I think you need to lay some boundaries. As a young adult, she is fully aware of what she is doing to potentially jeopardize his relationship with you. Regardless of whether or not anything is going on, she made the wrong move by moving in with him (and he by allowing her to do so). Set boundaries and let him know that if she does not move out, you'll move on.

Good luck

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A male reader, kenny United Kingdom +, writes (12 February 2009):

kenny agony auntTo be perfectly honest i would not be very happy atal with my partner living with an ex, and whats more i don't think that there are many people that would be to be brutally honest. He is ultimately sharing a flat with someone he has been passionate and intimate with in the past, so i can see why you would be upset. I think you need to broach the subject with him and express your concerns about this. Give him the opportunity to see it from your point of view, and if he tell's her to go then all well and good. But if he does not listen to you and lets her carry on living there then you may want to ask yourself if this relationship is really for you.

All the best x

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A male reader, Boonridge McPhalify United Kingdom +, writes (12 February 2009):

Boonridge McPhalify agony auntHe is clearly cheating, if not yet he's certainly planning on doing it. WARNING this should be setting off alarm bells and in reality do you want a man who keeps his ex closer than you? if yes then why?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2009):

You always hear the if you trust him speech blah blah blah, well thats true but why sit and wonder all the time. Maybe its time to tell him the rules, or face reality and be done!

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