A
female
age
41-50,
*brink
writes:Hi, I'm 31yrs and I'm dating a man who is 50yrs. We have a great relationship between us but he has 2 daughter one is my age and the other is 2 years younger than me. the older one has no problem with us being together. But the younger one is always trying to find was to keep us apart. She is always telling me " Do u really believe he is going to believe u over me I'm his daughter. or " if he doesn't do what i ask i will take his grand kids away and he will never see them again i will tell him its because of u". I love her kids as i do my own kids and i would never come between him and his daughter or grand kids.but ever time we have plains she cries until she gets her way and will never tell her know because she uses the kids against him. So how do i talk to him about this with out him thinking I'm trying to come in between them? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (12 April 2012):
 hi
Wow she is seriously threatened by you. Put a answering machine on your phone and record every incoming call. Screen your calls this way so she is reduced to only leaving messages.
Then you have the messages as proof of her nastiness.
If your guy is not noticing how nasty she is then he will also be vulnerable one day to elder abuse.
Since she is showing all the signs of an insecure nasty abusive bully.
If he is too foolish to stand up to this nasty daughter then more fool him.
Her aim is to send you off.
I bet her own marriage is in a mess too. Her tactics are just horrible.
Hang in there a little longer to confirm if your guy has a backbone or not.
If not, then I agree that he is welcome to suffer his abusive daughter all on his lonesome.
Is she worried about being denied her father's affection or his money?
A
female
reader, mbrink +, writes (12 April 2012):
mbrink is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks for all the advise i may just try what everyone suggested. but know there is another problem with all this. and that is she has took it upon her self to move into his house.and instead of asking him she told him she was moving in. it has got so bad she left her husband to do this. And just last night kindly told me that this is her house now so deal with it. And when he mentioned coming and staying with me she gave him that puppy dog face and said " but daddy im afarid to stay here by myself u have to stay here to. You dont want to make ur grandbabies think you dont love them do u ." And of course he stayed and when i talk to him last night on the phone she told him to get off because she need daddy time. Come on for really she is driving me crazy i about to call it quits. then she messages me and say i told u my daddy will do what i say and want and there nothing u can do about it. Now where do i go from here because either he is to dumb to she what she is doing or he is that scared of her. So confused know...
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (12 April 2012):
She is a very unhappy girl. Maybe she has been like this a long time. Her mean spirited manipulative actions cannot be counteracted in a short time. I pity her children if she would use them as pawns against her own father.
But her father still see her as his sugar coated little princess. He will overlook her little shenanigans as he is so used to it. Possibly she has always been this manipulative.
Build a stronger relationship with your boyfriend's other daughter. Ask her advice on things. Show how reasonable and kind you are. And make sure she is around occasionally to be witness to how mean her sister is to you. That way you will have an ally. Do not be critical of her sister - it will get back to the father and the sister and you do not need that.
Try to not allow yourself to be alone with the mean daughter. That is when she will be at her meanest when she thinks you are most vulnerable and when there are no witnesses. Be understanding and nice to her children always. It is not their fault that their mother is a viper. I am sure you are nice and kind all the time, but do ensure that there are opportunities for your boyfriend to observe you being nice and kind.
Back off from trying to win the mean daughter over. She is not your friend and she does not want to make it easy for you. Maybe that can change, but not immediately.
He has not married you, yet, and you are not her stepmother yet, so your position is not strong.
You certainly cannot try to rule the situation with any demands that she stop being so nasty.
Keep your powder dry.
Stay calm even when she provokes you.
Fail to notice when she is needling you
She may see what she is doing as loyalty to her mother. She may wish you were not around anymore. She may even be concerned that you may even want to have a child with him. And she does not want him to become more committed to you.
She may even think she is protecting her father from you.
And she may have successfully used these tactics before against other girl friends.
Your boyfriend will notice if you are appearing to be in disagreement with his daughter.
So remain as calm as a duck gliding on water as you paddle like mad below the surface to achieve your aims. Work at ways to make your man comfortable.
Work at keeping a calm home. Work at ways to overlook her appalling behaviour. As long as your boyfriend is not blind he will eventually see that his daughter is rude and manipulative and nasty.
But most of all she is VERY INSECURE and she is lashing out using her tried and true methods.
The older sister may be the one to alert her father to the nastiness of her sister. But you cannot encourage the older sister in a direct way. But keep being supportive and if you are blessed then this will be a good way for your boyfriend to hear it from his older daughter.
At a certain point your boyfriend has to notice his younger daughter's behavior for the sake of his relationship with you. At that point he should call his daughter to account. And do so because he has noticed how disrespectful she is to you. He is the one with the authority to do this.
He must do this to demonstrate his support for you.
If he fails to notice then he is the one at fault as much as his daughter and you should not stick around to be so mistreated.
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A
female
reader, jinxx  +, writes (12 April 2012):
 Be honest with him. Tell him what this is doing to you. This isn't you coming between him and his daughter, or him and his grandkids. This is his daughter interfering in your relationship, and using her children against her father. I wont even get into my thoughts about that... As they say, if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all!It's clear you care about this man dearly, and about his family. They're all lucky to have you, and I am sure they know that. You owe it to yourself to tell him what's really going on, because if he allows his daughter to run the show, it's his responsibility to deal with her... not yours. I'm sure there's some delicate way to handle this that would be just right, but I'm more of a blunt person. I like to get right to the point, so that's my advice to you. I really hope your situation improves, and his daughter starts acting her age (not her shoe size har har :P)
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