A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend 2 years and we have an almost 4 month old son together. I'm 20 he's 21. I don't know what's up with me but I feel like i can't cope anymore and I don't know what to do with myself because I feel like I'm not happy with myself. I love my son completely and even when I'm so upset because of my boyfriend I look at him and feel guilty because I should be happy because I have him. Don't get me wrong I am happy I've got him it's just everything else.My boyfriends dad hates me. And my boyfriend hangs on to every word he says. His dads openly admitted he wants us to split up, I should leave my son there overnight (I refuse to because they don't need to have him overnight and they neve listen to what I want for him they've already tried giving him chocolate to suck on). And that my boyfriends job comes before me and our son. Everytime my boyfriend speaks on the phone to his dad when he gets off the phone he seems to be in a horrible mood with me or if he's been to his house without me. My boyfriend will call me ugly and just make me feel bad like I'm not good enough but then i'll ask him does he think I'm ugly and he'll say no. He used to call me fat after the baby but I wasn't I was all baby and once he was out I had barely a belly and it was gone completely within a few weeks. I joined a gym anyway to stop me going fat. Now he says I'm too thin and I need to eat more because when I lean forward you can see a bit of my spine? When I bend over it does poke out a little but not in a disgusting way, I'm 5'11 aswel and have never been overweight so maybe it's my height?I do admit I stress at him sometimes and nag a little. He doesn't really help with our son much although he will play with him a little. When the baby was first born and the health visitor asked had I had the 'baby blues' yet I would lie and say no even though I'd been upset alot I just didn't want to say and blame my boyfriend because that's what I get upset about.He doesn't understand how he makes me feel when he's being cruel, he thinks he's joking. His whole family is the same picking at people and calling them when it isn't funny it's horrible. I'm starting to think it might be me with the problem because of how quick I snap at him when he says things then it turns into an argument. But I don't know how to stay calm when he's like he is. I try to talk to him to tell him how I feel but he just says I'm nagging him when I just want to talk about stuff.I do love him and I don't want to split up with him.I forgot to put this in the dad bit; he moans he isn't allowed to take the baby to his parents on his own but they've tried to let him suck chocolates and sweets and have tried to give him juice from some pasta when I haven't been there. And then when I say he would be able to take him if he put his foot down he just says 'what you trying to be a perfect parent for' I don't see what's wrong with setting boundaries like this or am I being out of order?
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female
reader, sammi star +, writes (22 December 2010):
 Firstly there is nothing wrong with trying to do the very best you can for your kids. Of course everybody wants to be the perfect parnet, it's an impossible dream but good mums always keep trying!
It's not you that's out of order it's your boyfriend. There's no way he should be saying these things to you ever let alone at a time when you need his support the most. What's the matter with him?? he sounds very childish and I suspect that his moods stem from being caught in the middle between you and his father and not having the courage to stand up to him.
I really think you need to try and have another chat with him. Don't make it sound as though you're attacking his family because that will only add fuel to the fire. Stay calm and simply state the things that he says and does that make you feel so bad.
I know it's a touchy subject but you really do sound as though you may be suffering from post natal depression. Speak to your health visitor or a doctor. That's what they're there for and if this is the case then getting it sorted could help you towards being much stronger and able to deal with this situation.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2010): The most important thing here is I think you have post natal depression. Your health visitor maybe spotted it but you are in denial. It is perfectly normal and natural that some people suffer this. It is a homonal imbalance. It can last up to at least a year after a baby is born. Please see you health visitor or doctor. It is not admitting anything terrible, they will understand. Then you will be better placed to deal with whatever other problems you have. Do talk to a health professional.
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