A
female
age
30-35,
*ineyy
writes:My boyfriend's father committed suicide two years ago. I know the story of how and why.. but I want to know more about him. Like what he was like when he was around and their relationship. But I don't know how to get him to open up and talk about it. How can I get him to talk about it without making him upset? Or is there a way I can get him to bring it up? Or should I let it go? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, rivi +, writes (26 July 2010):
Let it go. I would say it is almost none of your business and you have no right to stir the pot. You are not - you cannot - experience the heavy pain that bereavement by suicide is for those left behind. Not all terrible experiences are better for being chewed over ad infinitum. If your bf wanted to talk about it with you he would bring it up. It's not for you to re-hash. Plus it's in the past and your bf has a future
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 July 2010):
 I would let it go. You could say something like this, "if you ever want to talk about your Dad, I'm here to listen, but it's entirely up to you. I'm here for you whatever you need."
Trying to get him to talk about such a painful thing may not be a good idea and is kind of intrusive. The best you can do is to be supportive.
Honestly, your curiousity is understandable but is about YOU, not him. Getting him to open up about it is for your benefit, not his.
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A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom  +, writes (25 July 2010):
 My boyfriend lost his parents when he was a kid. I guess he's had more time to open up about it. He told me about how they died but it took a little longer for him to talk about them. Don't quiz your boyfriend about his Dad. Just the random comment here and there, like if you're on the subject of football, you could maybe ask what team his Dad supported. If you see a photo of him, maybe make a nice comment about it. When I saw photos of my boyfriend's parents, I told him that he had his Dad's hair and his Mum's skin. He got a little emotional but I think he was touched by it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2010): If I were you I would just leave it until he brings it up, it must be on his mind 24/7 and when he's with you he probably just wants to forget about all the sadness and enjoy himself.
Perhaps when you're having a serious conversation just let him know that if he ever wants to talk about anything you will always be there for him and just leave it at that. Men do tend to hold their emotions in and quite often they find it easier to deal with things that way.
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A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (25 July 2010):
 Perhaps you should just let it go. Its a touchy subject and painful for him, I'm sure.
I think that you should just wait until he wants to talk about it, to open up that part of his life to you in his own time. You never want to force him to talk about things he may not want to share with you yet.
Although, this totally depends on how long you two have been together. If this relationship is new, then I'd say stay clear of trying to get him to open up about this too soon. If you've been dating for more then a year, I don't think it would be as much of an issue. Let him know that you're interested in that chapter of his life, but I still think you should wait until he wants to bring that up.
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A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (25 July 2010):
Perhaps you should just let it go. Its a touchy subject and painful for him, I'm sure.
I think that you should just wait until he wants to talk about it, to open up that part of his life to you in his own time. You never want to force him to talk about things he may not want to share with you yet.
Although, this totally depends on how long you two have been together. If this relationship is new, then I'd say stay clear of trying to get him to open up about this too soon. If you've been dating for more then a year, I don't think it would be as much of an issue. Let him know that you're interested in that chapter of his life, but I still think you should wait until he wants to bring that up.
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A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (25 July 2010):
Perhaps you should just let it go. Its a touchy subject and painful for him, I'm sure.
I think that you should just wait until he wants to talk about it, to open up that part of his life to you in his own time. You never want to force him to talk about things he may not want to share with you yet.
Although, this totally depends on how long you two have been together. If this relationship is new, then I'd say stay clear of trying to get him to open up about this too soon. If you've been dating for more then a year, I don't think it would be as much of an issue. Let him know that you're interested in that chapter of his life, but I still think you should wait until he wants to bring that up.
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A
female
reader, Spades  +, writes (25 July 2010):
 If he doesn't want to talk about it, that's his choice. It is his past. It's still fresh and more than likely still upsets him.
Just let him know that you are there if he needs someone to talk to and leave it at that. He may want to talk about it in time.
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A
female
reader, helpmelol +, writes (25 July 2010):
start talking about your family and your relationship with your parent, then he may feel more comforable talking about i! But perhaps he wants to talk about it but he thinks you might feel awkward! :)
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