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writes: I was dumped three months ago, not really on bad terms; I just didn't see it coming. I frequently see questions from those dumped; pleading for a way to help the pain to stop. They need comfort and a shoulder to cry on. They feel wretched and weak.Drained of happiness and bewildered by the the rejection.So, we all wonder, what does he/she feel while I'm suffering?If you are a lying cheating SOB, abusive, or selfish. What else could the dumper feel, but relieved. They're turning cart-wheels down the hallway, and deleting your mug from Facebook. They're going to go out with their friends and celebrate getting you out of their lives, and having the guts and determination to finally do it.It wasn't easy. They had to plot a strategy. If you're an A-hole,they had to have a Plan-A,B, and C. They have the past experience of knowing how retaliatory you are. You'll probably smear their name, create public scenes, and want all your gifts back. In a rage you'll tear the apartment apart, reclaiming all your sh?t; while including the stuff given to you as a couple.Dividing your CD's and DVD's, taking all the best videos and music. You'll even steal all the good porn videos.They'll invite you out for a "coffee;" with an offer to "have atalk." Oh-oh!!!They're more nervous than usual. They didn't dress appropriate for the occasion, and the atmosphere is drab and dank. They lay it on you, then stare like a deer caught in headlights. They even picked a gray and rainy day. Just to add to the effect. They're waiting for the nuclear explosion. It took a lot of nerve to come to this day. They loved you, but you were a dick/bitch; and your behavior was insufferable. You can't take criticism. You always had to win an argument. You are always right. Well, now you're right out the door. How does a dumper feel under these circumstances...hurt; but ecstatic. They will have second thoughts. Guilt. Worry about you calling all the exes you secretly hooked up with, while they were on vacation.They know you will make it a point to rub their nose in your new relationship with your next victim. Yet, they grieve; because, they hoped you would have changed when they last tried to tell you how much it hurts.If you are clingy, insecure, and whiny; how does the dumper feel?Like they're struggling to get to the surface to gasp for air. They know there will be a dramatic scene at the breakup site.They consider texting the breakup, maybe an e-mail, or Instagram. They could change their status on Facebook, and hope you get a clue. They could send word through a friend. Maybe, they could just move out while you're at work. Anything, but have to face a scene from "The Young and The Restless."They feel torn. They feel exhausted from reassuring your insecurities. "No you don't look fat in that dress." "No I don't mind the few extra pounds." "No your penis is not too small.""She is only a co-worker." "He was not looking down my blouse."How do they feel to dump you? Relieved!!! Like a weight was lifted off their shoulders. There was never anything they could ever say that would convince you that they loved you for who you are. They can now put their phone and notebook down, and know no one is going to go snooping through it. They can jerk off and not have to explain why they were in the bathroom so long. They don't have to hear you say "I'm not in the mood," for the um-teenth time. They can take a deep breath, and not smell you.They notice they can move every limb, and stretch. No one holding them down when they stand up. That's how this kind of dumper feels after the breakup.How does a narcissistic sociopath feel after dumping you? They hope the breakup sinks in like slow poison. Like vampires, they're in a euphoric frenzy; after sucking the last bit of your life's blood. They hope they didn't forget to do everything they could to make your life hell. They can't wait until you start texting and calling; so they can ignore you. To drive you insane with their silence. They go about their lives feeling empowered by your pain and suffering. They're engorged like fat ticks, after drawing the very life out of you. Their pleasure is your pain. You can't make them feel remorse with your tears and pleading. In fact, they get turned on by it. They aren't sorry for leaving you. It was all in the plan. Use you up, then toss you out. They know you'll keep calling. It strokes their ego every-time they see you light up on their caller ID. They know you can't sleep, or eat. They treasure the thought of your haggard and run-down appearance. No man or woman would want you now. They flaunt their indifference. They update their every move knowing you'll stalk them on Facebook. They hope you'll do something crazy; so they can play victim when they call the police. They tell everyone what a whacko you are. What do they feel? Nothing. They can't feel. How does the nice guy/girl feel after they dump you?They tell you how it's them, not you. They know how to make you feel the breakup hurts them more then it hurts you. Not really,they're just being nice. They practiced breaking up with you over and over. They had a friend come over and sought suggestions on how to still come out of it with clean hands.They were more concerned about their nice-guy/girl image. They don't want you spreading it around that s/he just dumped you like a sack of potatoes. Everyone thinks he/she is soooo nice.They don't want your mom and dad to hate them. They're terrified that you'll get angry. They hate when you're angry. That means they have to show their real ugly side. They just want you to take it well, and promise to be friends. They really want you to go away. They don't want to be friends. You make their sides hurt. You take up too much closet space. They always have something good to say about everything and everyone. Accept you. They feel guilty; because they don't want you to hate them. They want you to leave with a smile and to forgive them. They want it clean and organized. They truly regret that it didn't work out. They will truly miss you. They don't want you back. Just for you to be happy with someone else. They don't want their gifts back.That's an insult. In fact, they let you decide what you don't want to keep. They're very sentimental and sensitive people.You get dumped by someone for no apparent reason, you never fight, you have a lot of fun. You talked about the future, and even made plans for next vacation. What do they think after they dump you?They had your expiration-date marked on their calendar. They date for fun and excitement. They usually like kinky sex or spending cash. They like living life to the fullest; so you were just their chosen accomplice for the time-being. Do they feel remorse or guilt after dumping you so unexpectedly? They always said they loved you. They sent you sentimental gifts, and they were so romantic. What the hell happened?They were getting over you months in advance. They were making connections and making plans for your replacement. They took lots of pictures, and kept lots of mementos of your extendedfake relationship. "Long-term" is not in their vocabulary.They enjoyed your care-giving personality. You were putty in their hands. They can do no wrong in your eyes.They loved the way you go out of your way to make them feel special. They're going to miss that. When you said you loved them; that was just your echo on the phone.They didn't say it. They are well-practiced at being the perfect bf or gf. They have an endless bag of tricks. They feel awful; because you're a great person, so they have to figure out a reason to separate; but make it seem it's your fault. They will miss you, but they have to get their grief out of the way in advance; so they get a head start. They know how to convince themselves not to attach to you. They don't want to settle down; but they have to have romance and the comfort of a regular bf or gf. They like having sex on demand.They need to feel desirable and worshiped. They are too generous, they pay for everything. It eases their guilt, and raises yours for accepting.They find it easy to ignore your calls. They don't respond to your text messages, waiting for you to give up in shear emotional exhaustion. They're all done. You're used up and out of style, like last year's swimsuit. You are no longer relevant. He/she has already told all his/her friends you're a wacko. You're needy, and how you smothered them, and they just needed their space. You are left wondering what you did, or said.You feel you are unworthy; because they dumped you. It had to have been something you did. Your mind races and you feel upside-down. They feel relieved to be able to get out in time for the summer. They plan breakups during winter and early spring. That way, they're less likely to see you. They reroute all their trips to avoid seeing you. They pretend to care about how you're doing. They can't wait to get on with their lives.How do they feel after dumping you? Finished.Aside from losing a loved one to death, a breakup will take a tremendous emotional toll on you. Before you start thinking about ways to woo them back, maintain friendship, or allow them friendship with benefits; consider what they're thinking while you're feeling like crap. Even if you plan to get back together someday, heal yourself first. No contact, so you know whether you're getting back together out of love; or addiction, and co-dependence. You can't stand to be rejected; or the thought of them with someone else kills you. You are destined to breakup again, if there is no change. You can't pickup where you left off. The old relationship died when you broke up. They must ask for permission to come back. Otherwise; their first decision stands. Have dignity. You got dumped and flushed.First, take care of you. Let yourself believe they'll never take you back. Prepare yourself to be a better person, for you and no one else. Let the past be the past, prepare for the future.Grieve and get over them. Get a grip. Be strong, or be a wimp.They don't get to decide whether you will find love again; that is entirely in your hands. You have your freedom now. That means you reclaimed your power. You can do whatever you want, with whomever you want. They really don't matter anymore. Avoid rebound relationships; or you will be one of the dumpers listed above when you realize you weren't ready for another relationship. Don't hurt anyone else. You know better.Be selfish, it's all about you now. Stay healthy, get your head fixed, reach out to your family and friends for love to fill the void. Pray, meditate, and do good for others. Love didn't end when you broke up. Only your relationship with that person. I hope you feel better. It would make me feel better to know that I brought someone comfort.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2015): Okay, I dumped a guy somemonths ago and I felt relieved yes. But I wasn't out to give him slow poison. I agree I used him but I couldn't deal with his laziness and childishness.
Not every dumper is out to suck blood or give poison. Some dumpers have had their own blood sucked and given poison too.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am sorry for my delay in thanking you both for reading my article. I got a little busy, but I try to squeeze in advice or comfort to others; when I have a free hour in the day.
To deaf4eva, I was hoping to catch the essence of several different personality-types. I wasn't trying to bash people who had to make a very difficult decision. It's not always the dumper, the dumpee contributes something to the breakup.
However; I know there are manipulators out there that can do a real psych-job on people. They call you every other day, and behave as if you never broke up. They even try to hang out with you, and offer friendship.
The dumpee, whether it's your fault or the dumper's fault about the breakup, has to move on.
Some people are completely off the wall and they intend to confuse you, to keep you on hold.
They're just trying to keep you from finding someone before they do. Making you believe they still have something for you, and may want you back. They always seem to need you, or have problems only you can solve.
My point is, you can deceive yourself into believing they're trying to tell you they want to come back.
You have to take the power out of their hands; so you can heal and get over them.
Then their signals don't matter anymore.
That's real freedom!
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reader, alien invasion  +, writes (6 August 2013):
 thank you for this, you brought me comfort. i appreciate it.
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reader, deaf4eva  +, writes (3 August 2013):
Couldn't really pick out my ex gf personality in here but got to say this has to be one of the best articles i have read. Keep up the good work.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both for your appreciation.
I read the posts from so many people who spend their nights in agony, and find it hard just to get through the day. I felt something has to be said for those of us experiencing breakups in the present.
I hope others will realize that there are two-sides to a breakup, as I have. The dumper hurts too; but not always.
So many people cling to the hope that they will somehow convince the dumper to take them back. Very rarely will this happen. We're mostly terrified of the loneliness, and despise the rejection.
It depends on the reasons you were dumped, and whether you really need them back. Are they worth it? What about your pride and dignity as a person? Why was it only in their power to decide it should just end? Let them go. Get over them. Take back your power and freedom.
If the reason you broke up has not been totally resolved to the very last detail, the desperate attempt of a second chance will die a slow and miserable death. You will breakup again, and you're back to square one. All the pain comes back full force. You can't pick up where you left off.
If someone asks for their space, give it to them. Then prepare for a breakup. Leave them alone, to allow you both to think. NO CONTACT DURING THE SPACE OUT. NONE WHATSOEVER!!!
Beware of all the fancy books and schemes put out there to feed on your weakness. They claim to have the magic bullet to change the dumper's mind, and have him/her come running back.
Marriages are more worth saving. You made no vows to be a boyfriend or girlfriend. It is only a verbal agreement, there is no license or legal contract. You don't need a lawyer to move on.
If they do come running back after "7-Steps," consider that a miracle; and notify the Vatican.
Most of those claims you see giving the author's of these "GET BACK TOGETHER" books and DVD's big praise; are people paid to endorse his/her product. Negative commentary is simply deleted, or ignored. You will find out the truth, once you're several bucks in the hole. It's hit or miss.
The success stories aren't as many as claimed.
If you're in the process now of trying to get them back, and you've spent the cash only to find out it was all BS, consider it a lesson learned. Dumpers just want to be left alone. They think you're desperate and pathetic. Or just a pain in the ass. Would you want someone desperate and pathetic?
If you do get them back, does it feel any better than before? Has he/she changed? Have you? How long can you pretend to be "new and improved" before the real you returns? I'll tell you when. The next big fight. All of the past comes back. Who do you think you're fooling?
Consider any failed relationship a trial. A means to see what you're emotionally made of, and what needs to be tweaked in order not to repeat your past mistakes. Learn from the dumper, remember only the things they said that would improve you. Not the things they said to hurt you.
CAUTION ALL WHO WERE DUMPED:
Do not base your worthiness on someone who decided you were an incompatible lover/partner. It didn't work out for the two of you in this particular relationship. If "you" were abusive or insecure, take responsibility and work to change. You don't deserve love until you do. You are doomed to repeat your failure; if you ignore your own weaknesses.
If you hear the words "you have hurt me" or "I love you as you are" over and over...heed these words. They are a warning to you. People can only tolerate so much of your crap. It doesn't matter if you've been together a week or seven years. If it causes a fight, DON'T DO IT!!!
As for you happy dumpers. Don't be so smug.
Carefully weight it out before you break a heart. There is such a thing as compromise and communication. If you don't have the stones to work it out, it speaks loads about your weakness in character. You'll keep dumping until you get dumped on. By the way, thanks for the freedom A-hole!!!
Someday you'll know how it feels to be rejected, when you finally get dumped by someone "you" thought to be "your" perfect match.
And when that loneliness takes its full effect; leave your exes alone. They've suffered enough because of you. Your contact will open old wounds. Didn't you say you needed your space? Well now you have sweetie! Piss off!!!
Go ahead and flaunt how well you're doing after the breakup. Let your ego swell knowing someone is grieving the loss. It will be you someday. Twice as bad, because you were an A-hole about it. That's Karma.
Thank you to those, who have been dumped, for reading my articles. It may take time; but we'll get through the pain. No matter which side of the breakup you're on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2013): Very helpful Article!
I know why, it comes from the heart and based on the writer's experienced.
Its Perfect, wiseowie!
People will learn from this.
P.S Keep Writing!
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