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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend hs become distant and I hardly see him. When I do see him he is only concerned about his problems at home. He's a manic depressive and self harms regularily. He won't discuss things with me and basically ignores me. Also he's told a friend of mine he doesn't like me as much anymore because I get out of control when I drink. I think this is completely unfair, but he won't discuss things. The same friend also saw him with another girl. I've always trusted him but now I don't know what to do. I really care about him and hate to see him hurting. Please help xXx Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2007): ok. my boyfriend is manic depressive also. though he has never drifted away like u have with your boyfriend he gets mad at me alot. i just give him his space and dont push myself on him at all. eventually when he goes and drives around with his friends for a while he will call me and appologize. and that is when he is on his medication. when he isnt.....well.....he will somewhat drift for a day or two. he will go party with all his friends and some are girls who are questionable in my mind. so i know what ur going through. just keep ur head up and be there for him when he desides to talk. thats all we really can do. =]
much love and luck
natalie
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2006): You saw him with another girl, theres your answer, when a guy becomes distant usually he's on his way out, thats from my experience and im going thru same thing. be of courage, and dont give your heart too easily, sorry to say men dont think longterm, he'll do same to other girl
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reader, becky05 +, writes (1 August 2005):
If your boyfriend is not getting help for his manic depression at the moment, then you need to encourage him to do so.
Many people with manic depression can live normal lives if their illness is controlled by medication, also, it is an illness which does not go away.
I think that he doesnt sound ready for a relationship at the moment and needs to sort out his own problems.
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female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (23 July 2005):
 You say hes a manic depressive... is he being treated for this ? I hope so! Sounds as though he needs help to manage so maybe counselling is the way to go. It is difficult when a partner as an illness such as this as it will put pressure on you. he is finding it hard to open up and thats why there is this pressure between the two of you... he cant deal with it and they way he feels he can deal is by cutting you out. This happens quite alot with people of this nature and unless they get the right help they will only get worse... he probably doesnt mean to be mean to you be... but thats his way of shutting it out.... maybe seek some advice yourself on the net and see if you can speak to other people going through a similar thing... and then sit down with him and let him know that you love and care for him and that he has your support and all you want to do is help.. when he is feeling like this is isnt going to be bothered how you are feeling it will always be about himself... get him the right help and thigns will be different... he will have to meet you half way though or it wont work.. let him know you are prepared to go the distance but cant do so on your own. If he wont listen then its not fair on you. Getting the right help is vital.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2005): It sounds like both you and your boyfriend have been through a lot, so it's not surprising you're finding things difficult.
It sounds like you have had a nice close bond and he has been able to talk to you, in the past. While I am pleased to hear you have given him support, I think you need to understand he has very serious issues in his life (depression & self-harm) and if he's not getting professional help..he needs to get it right away. To be honest, my dear-I think you are better off not being in a love relationship with this guy..no matter how strong your feelings are. Give it a rest for and just try being his good friend. For him to be self-harming, he has severe emotional problems and he needs the time to take care of himself.
It's important now, to also look after yourself. I would think that all his troubles must have been hard for you and by pursuing a further love relationship with this guy will only prove to have an adverse effect on your emotional state. If the heartbreak of losing him is getting to you...please talk about your sad feelings to others, like close family or friends. By getting some support yourself. you will become a more stronger, more comapssionate person, you may in turn, find this will help you to support him....but only as a caring, trusting friend. Be a friend for this guy-but realize he's not capable of loving you back, intimately due to his own problems. He needs time to think of getting himself healthy...he's a wounded person..he needs friendship, support and time to "heal".
Please tell him to realize he does not have to be alone in all this. If you feel he would like to talk to someone in confidence about how he feels and the depression he is experiencing, call your family doctor and have him give you some suggestions of where he can find further help and profeesional support. Counselling will offer him an opportunity to work through the issues surrounding his depression and indeed, the way his self- abusive behaviour is having an impact on you, his close friends and his family.
Finally, remember, there is no such thing as a 'normal' life; but with the right help and support, it may be possible that in time, he will heal and you both may be able to work through the trouble you are currently experiencing. But for now...don't expect much from him...his personal troubles are so overwhelming..he's incapable of caring for you in return. Just...be a kind, supportive friend for now. Good luck and take care
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