A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Please help me aunts and uncles!!!I'm in a long term relationshop but I'm yearning for someone else. The other man lives 200 miles away, we stopped contact 5 years ago as we were verging on having an affair and knew for the sake of our partners and ourselves, it had to stop. We removed ourselves from social media entirely. We deleted each others contact details. I thought of him and missed him so badly over the first year and then just as it started getting easier, I went with some friends to see a comedian in London, and he was there. We spoke briefly, he told me how hard it had been for him and how he couldn't stop thinking of me. I told him I felt the same but that it was for the best. Over the last 4 years I have bumped into him on average once a year, in the strangest of circumstances. We cannot be together, neither of us truly wants to leave our current partners, but it's been 5 years and he is still the first and last thing I think of every single day. It's killing me and it's even worse that I know he feels the same way. I love my partner dearly and I want to forget this other man, but how can I? I really do feel as though I've tried everything
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2015): Have you thought that there's a reason why you never got together as a real couple?
If you love each other so much, why haven't you left by now your respective partners?
I know that feelings are or may seem real but they are not enough for a relationship to work.
Sometimes the mere fact that the love we feel is impossible may nurture this feeling.
This is going to sound cruel, but if you dream about each other but both stay with your partners out of respect&love for them/fear of the unknown/comfort&security, in a way you don't deserve to be with each other.
Maybe you know on some level that despite the strong emotions you're not willing to do the work as a couple. Maybe you idealize one another and once you get to know each other the way only that people living together could - the bubble will burst.
And I'm speaking from experience. I ended a relationship with a man I was as madly in love with, because I asked myself the same questions I'm asking you and I got the answers I didn't like. I did think of him for a while and sometimes it would seem that "he was the one". Except that he wasn't, not really. Had he been, we would have been together, as simple as that.
We stayed in contact (every couple of years or so) as friends. However, unlike me, he nurtured the ideal versions of ourselves and a decade later (to be honest when he's mid-life crisis hit) he wrote to me saying that he had made the biggest mistake by not fighting for me and choosing to settle down with someone else and I disagreed. And what we felt for each other WAS real.
The life he wanted and the person he wanted to be would not be possible with me. On the other hand, I could never live the way he wanted to live. There's no right or wrong here. We all do the best we can...
I wake up every morning happy next to my husband, whom I met later and there's no space for anybody else.
How happy are you in you current relationship?
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (2 March 2015):
 If - and when - you and he love one-another so much that BOTH of you will depart your current partners.... and become "single".... so that you (both) are "available".... THEN you and he can act upon your youthful amorism....
Good luck...
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