A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I broke up last year as I admit myself that I could be insecure and I was just unhappy with myself and he couldn't take it anymore. Cut a log story short, we continued sleeping with each other with mainly me doing the chasing as I still loved him. He said he never wanted to be with me again, and stupidly I thought I could change his mind. After a few months he really started to distance himself, and I got upset. He was quite mean to me saying I want to find someone who is going to make me happy, you ruined any feelings I had for you and I never want to be with you again. He was really cold, and these were just a few things he said to name a few. I did keep on about trying to work things out, so perhaps he said these things to put me off.Anyway, I began to move on and started going out on dates with a guy, and by this point the ex and I were on speaking terms and I was helping him with advice about his job which he really hated. He asked if I was seeing anyone and admitted I had been on dates. His response was to go really quiet and later said to me I can't believe you could do that, the thought of being with someone else makes me feel sick. He then called me again later and said that whilst he did in fact still love me, he couldn't be in a relationship with me again but couldn't bare to watch me be with someone else and so said he couldn't be my friend.Fast forward a couple of days and he txt me sayin he missed me and wanted to meet up. I agreed and he said that he wasn't sure but that he wanted to give things another go, that he wasn't sure if it would work but that he wanted to try. I asked him if he had been with anyone else, he said no and I asked if he had kissed anyone and he said no. Again fast forward and he would ask how I would feel if he had kissed someone else, and I also asked him why he hadn't seen anyone else and he said it didn't interest him.Anyway, I just had this instinct and thought it seemed strange that a few months before he was so adamant that he wanted to move on. Whether it was right or wrong, one night I snooped through his phone and saw a txt from his friend asking him how the girl was, to which he replied "hot" and definitely staying the night. His friend then replied saying tonight's the night! Then there was another txt then next day where his friend (who by the sounds of it he was with the previous night) said did you do the deed? He repose saying no, but said she had big breasts though. His friend then said did you not even touch her or get touched himself, to which my then ex replied not even close and then said let's get out of here.I confronted him about it and he was furious saying I had completely violated his trust and privacy, and at first said what girl? Then said oh I remember but you don't deserve to know after going through my phone, but did say I did nothing with her. After ignoring me for a day I went round to his and said if you want to know the truth I did kiss her, but as soon as I did I felt like I had cheated on you and stopped straight away. He said he felt guilty for ages after but then realised he hadn't done anything wrong but that it made him realise that he still had feelings for me and he was glad he didn't do any more.He said he only met her twice, but I didn't buy it as I asked him why his friend would be txting him saying how is the girl and him replying definitely staying here. He said that night was the first time I met her as he was picking his friend up from his girlfriends, and he briefly spoke to her. Then the next night him and his friend went round to his girlfriends again and this girl was there.The problem that I'm not sure that his story of how many times he met her is true, I do believe he didn't sleep with her.It's now three months later since I found out and the main issues are that my boyfriend says he does not trust me and keeps reminding me that I need to rebuild his trust after invading his privacy. I feel like I'm walking on egg shells, and when I challenge him by saying but you lied to me when I had asked you if you had been seeing anyone else or done anything you said no, yet when you asked me I was honest. He just says you didn't need to know we weren't together. I agree that he did to need to volunteer the information, but if I had asked him directly surely he should have admitted it? I said to him you told me that you couldn't believe I had been on dates and the thought of doing it yourself makes you feel sick, yet you did do it. His response was I didn't date her, it was one drunken kiss and it made me feel sick.I'm not sure what to believe, and I feel like I'm being punished when he was lying to me all along. Should I be doing more to make this up or should he be apologising to me too? Thank you
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breasts, broke up, drunk, insecure, move on Reply to this Question
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (23 June 2014):
 Heh, Sage is actually right on this one. You are behaving like a doormat to this guy, when a woman in control of her life would have thrashed this guy verbally 8 ways from Sunday.
You don't get it, do you? He mistreats you, lies to you, uses you for sex, and wanted nothing more to do with you UNTIL he heard that someone else wanted you and you were dating someone else.
You shouldn't have gone through his texts, and snooping IS a breach of trust. However, he is manipulative and uses it as leverage to wiggle out of his own breach of trust. I wouldn't have asked him which woman it is. I'd ask him how quickly he could leave you alone and never touch you again.
The guy is worthless. Being with him is masochistic on your part. There is nothing to love about this emotionally abusive toe-stain. How long will you waste your time with him??
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2014): Please ignore my first comment. I didn't read the end of your post properly.
I think maybe he got back with you because it didn't work out with this other girl and he knows that you will sleep with him. He may just be wasting time with you until someone else comes along who catches his eye.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2014): To be honest, i see no benefit in carrying on being in touch with your ex. He doesn't want you but he also doesn't want anyone else to have you. This isn't because he wants you back it's because he knows that if you started dating somebody else the easy sex won't be available for him any more. Ditch him and make a fresh start.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2014): I know that what you are saying is right, but somehow I feel like I'm in the wrong. Like I deserve what he's saying because I broke his trust and privacy. Thanks for your answer :)
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (22 June 2014):
 What you've described is a guy who is oh-so willing to "own" you.... but can't bring himself to be nice to you.
Bottom line: Do you wish to be his foot-wiping mat for now and in to the future? OR, do you think that you owe it to yourself to exhibit a modicum of self-respect, and tell this creep that you never want to see him again?
Good luck....
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